#1
This is my first one and I guess its a work in progress. I don't know much about rhyme structure, but the way it is sung works well. Let me know what you think and help me name it..

Verse1
Well I got your picture
Yeah I still got them all
And you go the structure
To bring this whole thing to the ground
And I’ll show you off
In the worst way that I know how
If you ever open up that pretty mouth

Chorus
Cuz I got the photographs
That tell your story
You can take them back
But I got copies
To remind myself of when we were at our best
I got paperbacks
And your best locket
I keep them near in my back pocket
So I never forget just why I let you go
I guess that’s how the story goes when the stories about a girl

Verse2
Well this ain’t the first time
But it better be your last
Of picking the wrong lines
I’ll tattoo the word right on your chest
And I’ll keep you up,
On late night wondering why
That I’m the lock box and you’re the key to what’s inside
#2
even though "locket" and "pocket" rhyme, I'm not exactly sure that that's the best word choice

but wow, damn good work dude.
#3
My favorite verse was 3. I don't like the word "copies" it seemed weird when I read it. Do you have a chorus?
#4
Quote by Commodore123
even though "locket" and "pocket" rhyme, I'm not exactly sure that that's the best word choice

but wow, damn good work dude.


Thanks man I really appreciate it!

Yeah when reading it, "Locket" and "Pocket" kinda make the seriousness/attitude of the song change a bit more than i would like, but the metaphor to what "Locket" means and what "Pocket" means fits perfectly to what the song is driving at. Thanks for commenting!!
#5
Quote by Lateralus32
My favorite verse was 3. I don't like the word "copies" it seemed weird when I read it. Do you have a chorus?


The Chorus is the middle one. The verse you referred to is the second verse. Copies does sound weird, but it is better sung. I write most of my music on the fly with a guitar, so they always sound better in the song than on paper. Thanks for commenting!