Poll: Should Liz let her bad dad back into her life?
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View poll results: Should Liz let her bad dad back into her life?
He hurt her and caused her and her mom years and years of pain. Forget about him.
33 29%
He is supposedly better and wants to reunite with his daughter. Let him in.
79 71%
Voters: 112.
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#1
When my girlfriend (let's call her Liz) was 12, her mom moved out of the house and took her with her to get away from Liz's drugged up and ****ed up dad. After a few years of him getting worse and worse they both had enough of his threats and tirades so they left. Keep in mind that he was a perfect dad until she was 9 or so.

Now Liz is 21 and her dad has been calling and trying to get in contact with her after 9 years of no contact at all. Her dad's parents are on his side and say he's has gotten therapy and rehab and is better, so they are trying to help him get in contact with Liz.

Liz has spent 9 years without her dad and her life is exactly how she wants it to be. She does not want her dad in her life because of how bad he hurt her and her mom. Her dad in her life suddenly is and idea that scares her and she does not feel comfortable thinking about him. She knows he is not the same person that he was when she was a little girl and she thinks he is a terrible person for letting himself mess up her life.

He was been sending her emails and giving her phone calls and his parents (who are also estranged from Liz) have been asking Liz to have lunch with him.

Should she let him into her life and possibly risk losing her perfect life and forgive him for years of pain?

or

Should she avoid him and have his heart possibly broken because of him missing her and have him slip back into druigs and alcohol?


TL : DR
Should Liz let her dad who emotional scarred her because of his drinking and drugs back into her life

or

should she avoid him to no be hurt again but risk hurting him (from not getting to see his daughter) and having him slip into depression and drug?
#2
Jesus would've forgiven him.
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#4
She should decide for herself, of course.

I'd say, give it a little time and then give the dad a chance. He obviously tried hard to get back to normal, and now that he succeeded in that it would be too harsh for him to turn him down.
#5
Yes, absolutely let him back in, cautiously of course. If she doesn't she will live the rest of her life wondering what if. My cousin will be going through the same thing right now but that's another story (and her poisonous bitch of a mother's fault).

She will regret it if she doesn't give him a chance, mate.
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Last edited by mike_anderson25 at Apr 29, 2011,
#6
Quote by Uber_Kitty
When my girlfriend (let's call her Liz) was 12, her mom moved out of the house and took her with her to get away from Liz's drugged up and ****ed up dad. After a few years of him getting worse and worse they both had enough of his threats and tirades so they left. Keep in mind that he was a perfect dad until she was 9 or so.

Now Liz is 21 and her dad has been calling and trying to get in contact with her after 9 years of no contact at all. Her dad's parents are on his side and say he's has gotten therapy and rehab and is better, so they are trying to help him get in contact with Liz.

Liz has spent 9 years without her dad and her life is exactly how she wants it to be. She does not want her dad in her life because of how bad he hurt her and her mom. Her dad in her life suddenly is and idea that scares her and she does not feel comfortable thinking about him. She knows he is not the same person that he was when she was a little girl and she thinks he is a terrible person for letting himself mess up her life.

He was been sending her emails and giving her phone calls and his parents (who are also estranged from Liz) have been asking Liz to have lunch with him.

Should she let him into her life and possibly risk losing her perfect life and forgive him for years of pain?

or

Should she avoid him and have his heart possibly broken because of him missing her and have him slip back into druigs and alcohol?


TL : DR
Should Liz let her dad who emotional scarred her because of his drinking and drugs back into her life

or

should she avoid him to no be hurt again but risk hurting him (from not getting to see his daughter) and having him slip into depression and drug?



I think she should think of a midway, Forgive her dad and maybe an agreement that her dad will not interfere with her life and just let her be. She's an adult now and should be able to handle this. She should also test if her dad really sobered up before actually meeting him (Maybe ask her grandparents). It may be hard for her to deal with this but well he's still her family.

At least that's what I'd do if I were in her shoes.

Hope this helped
#7
Well, if she has a "perfect life" already, clearly he didn't mess her up too bad... Either way, give him a chance.
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#8
She should meet up with him, but at somewhere like a park near the dad so in case she doesn't like him he can't go back to her house to annoy her. But what she should really do is me.
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Last edited by padgea7x at Apr 29, 2011,
#9
I'd really like to say no, but she's 21. it's time to grow up and give people the benefit of the doubt. if he screws up again, she can cut him out easily.

it all boils down to how she feels about it though. ultimately the advice of a stranger isn't going to change the feelings she has toward her father.
#10
She doesn't have to forgive him or stay in contact with him. Let him see his daughter when she's grown up and see how she's doing, what she's been up to. If she doesn't feel comfortable doing it again, don't continue. Let the man see his child but don't make a binding agreement. Even if he was a dick for a while I'm sure he was to know how his daughter has been up to and what she's like. A lot of people don't come to terms with what they did until they're clean for a while.

My ex's mom had a son before my ex but she got into alcohol really bad so the dad took him away. She didn't get in touch with her son again for like 12 years and even then he wasn't around much for a while. She wasn't a good person for a while but now she's a wonderful person and is trying really hard to raise her other kid like should have with the first.
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#13
Forgiveness is always the best route. You can't go around carrying bitterness and unforgiveness your whole life. It's not healthy. She doesn't necessarily have to let him back in completely as if nothing happened, but she should at least forgive him if he is truly sorry.
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#14
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Jesus would've forgiven him.

Jesus tuned water into wine. That's no help for a recovered alcoholic.
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This man deserves my +1

+1

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#15
[quote="'[x"]Huffy[x]']Jesus tuned water into wine. That's no help for a recovered alcoholic.

And thus again, we are shown the cruelties of religion.
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#16
Trial him. If he's still ****ed, can always ex-communicate him.
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#17
IMO, she should give him a shot, but that's really up to her. If she doesn't want to, there's no point in trying to make her.
#18
Have you ever seen the movie Blow?
Watch it. George Jung's daughter visited him for the first time after she saw the movie.
Why not just leave shit in the past?
#19
Quote by SKArface McDank
Have you ever seen the movie Blow?
Watch it. George Jung's daughter visited him for the first time after she saw the movie.
Why not just leave shit in the past?

Really? That's awesome; I couldn't help but feel really bad for him after seeing that.

TS, I say that Liz should give her dad a second chance. Not forgive him right away, but give him a chance. 9 years of a good life could have the rest of her life added to it. That's better than 3 bad years and 9 estranged.

I had a bad relationship with my dad (we were like strangers in the same home) and I truly regret not trying to make it work, and I'll never have another chance because he passed away. Not trying to make things better just denies yourself a chance at a better future.
#21
Quote by Skynyrd890
**** him


Maybe he should put some lipstick on because he might like to feel pretty while getting FUCKED

OT: I dont think it would be too bad of an idea to hear him out. It might help him keep clean, not that that should be his daughters responsibility
Last edited by epiless at Apr 29, 2011,
#22
I think you shouldn't seek this sort of advice on a forum.... I mean yes the people here are awesome but its not even you your talking about. My answer would be: I dont know, if she was the one posting i guess i could ask questions.
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#23
How about she grows up and realizes she's lucky to have a dad...
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#24
Screw him. My father was a drunk throughout my entire life and i've never forgiven him. He never had anything to do with me. As far as I'm concerned I was raised by mother and my mother only. Some people just dont'deserve second chances.
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#25
Quote by SKArface McDank
Have you ever seen the movie Blow?
Watch it. George Jung's daughter visited him for the first time after she saw the movie.
Why not just leave shit in the past?


+1
I read the OP and was going to post the exact same thing. I say give him a chance.
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#26
Let her do what she wants, even if it means hitting him with pipes.
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#27
if he raped/molested/abused her in some way, absolutely not.

otherwise, it could be cathartic. but she has to deices based on her experiences. I thin blood deserves a second chance.
#DTWD
#28
I think she should give him a chance, well I have always been soft hearted and I always thin every one desearve a second chance.

..... in other things, you really think she would hear what some strange guys that plays guitar have to say about this??
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#29
Quote by Jon777
Yes, she should talk to him. Call me crazy, but everyone deserves a second chance.
This.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Well done sir
#30
See what he's got to say and if he's genuinely sorry and all that and successfully gone through therapy, slowly let him back into her life.

If she'd view the situation from his point of view, she'll realise he's deeply hurting. I know I'd be devastated if my own flesh and blood hated my guts. Give him a second chance.
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#31
If she rejects him now, how is she any better? Maybe a kid and a wife ****ed up HIS life at that point? I know that's a horrible example, but to put him through the same thing just because you think you're going okay right now doesn't seem right.
#32
Quote by Jon777
Yes, she should talk to him. Call me crazy, but everyone deserves a second chance.

This.
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#33
Life's too short to deny access to those are looking for redemption.
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#34
My Dad went through the same thing with his father, he calls him his "Biological Sperm Donor". I never met the guy, but my Dad turned out to be a stand up guy and an awesome Dad. For your GF, I would say let him go and keep living the life she's living now.
#35
9 years is a long time, and I think it's definitely possible for someone to turn their life around in that span of time. And you'll never know unless you try.
#36
Just give him a chance?
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#39
This is probably just another comment in 'that forum thread I made', but I say she should.

If she doesn't see him, he pesters her, and she's breaking his heart. That doesn't sound perfect at all.

If she sees him, and he turns out to be a great person now, then cool.

If she sees him, and he turns out to still be as bad, then just spend the next 9 years to get rid of him again.

If anything, that's her dad we're talking about. Filial piety over anything else, IMO.
#40
She should do what she thinks is right/convenient/whatever. It's her choice, no one else here really knows her situation as well as she does.
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