Hey, Another new pretty rushed piece.

Cherry Blossom's Gone For The Year

Cherry Blossom
Spirals down
In Heliocentric
And here I lie, maudlin.

They take their rest,
In several shades
of Crimson.
And Here I lie, maudlin.

Cherry Blossom
Spirals Down
Like shards of stained glass,
In rotation.
And Here I was, maudlin.

No More.

Im not happy with the 'No More' part, but im leavinmg it here for record's sake.
Last edited by ultrasonic at Apr 29, 2011,
I'd really recommend not capitalizing so much, as its distracting in my opinion and I don't see what it adds to the piece. that being said, I really loved the diction here- maudlin, heliocentric in particular were great choices. also not super keen on the last two words- they felt unnecessary in some ways; the feeling of no more is already contained in the idea of cherry blossoms to begin with, I feel, or at least that's what came across as I read it. so other than some inconsistencies, I did enjoy this