#1
A song about desperation and a last resort at the end of a night:

Limbs


Failed to recognise her style I was blinded, I was dying underneath the light
Fading under lasers, dazing in the haze, I was hoping that I wasn't right
So rolling up my sleeves I delved into the debris of another late autumn eve
Limbs of lonely lovers, tangled with one another each doing all they can to breathe

But breathing's not enough when coffee doesn't wake you up
And the radio don't play what you need to get away no this life don't make you feel like you're alive

(So she told me)
Hit me like you mean it hit me clean and hit me pure
Hit me like you want to see me rolling on the floor
Now I know, you know, I know that it's wrong
Oh I know, you know that I know that it's wrong

Told me of her lust and mistrust of inhibition said "let's try to make this weapon fire",
Stumbling under streetlights, shivering in the starlight we were drowning in desire

(So she told me)
Hit me like you mean it hit me clean and hit me pure
Hit me like you want to see me rolling on the floor
Now I know, you know, I know that it's wrong
Oh I know, you know that I know that it's wrong

Now lashes flutter but I'm just a little too wise
My defence is relentless yes I'm adept at deceptive disguise

(Since she told me)
Hit me like you mean it hit me clean and hit me pure
Hit me like you want to see me rolling on the floor
Now I know, you know, I know that it's wrong
Oh I know, you know that I know that it's wrong
#2
I like it, it's very interesting to read and the rhyme scheme is good, and not predictable. For some reason I can just hear the intro spoken with a flange effect and an echoey fast drum beat in the background, then everything blasts in at "But breathing's not enough..." but that's just me.
Quote by willT08
Quote by HowSoonisNow
How was Confucius death metal?
You've clearly never read any Confuscius.

As I wait on the edge of the earth,
I can see the walls being torn down again
Only to be rebuilt in another name,
On a different day
#3
cheers man, thats kinda what im going for...a quiet first verse then everything kicking in at "breathing's not enough..." good to see that kinda cpmes across...cheers