Poll: ?
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There is never a perfect time to say what you feel, so just do it
45 34%
Wait until you have a really, really good feeling about your chances, don't say anything before that
46 35%
undecided
10 8%
ololol guys talking about feelings how gay ololol
30 23%
Voters: 131.
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#1
So a buddy of mine has had a crush on this girl for about half a year. I told him that he should ask her out and tell her about his feelings last weekend, and that it isn't healthy to not express feelings like that.

So this Wednesday, he asked her out, and she rejected him. I thought he was okay with it, but yesterday he told me he felt like complete shit and a good female friend of ours offered to talk to him and keep him company for the evening, and I don't know how he's doing right now, but I sure hope it's better than last night.

Anyways, my question is, did I give him right advice? Do you think that it's better to come clean with your feelings, even when you feel that the time isn't perfect yet, or should you wait until you feel that the chance of being rejected is very, very small?
Last edited by CoreysMonster at Apr 30, 2011,
#2
I don't share very many feelings with the person that they're relevant to. I wouldn't have told him to tell her.

EDIT - and the poll needs a "never bring them up" or "only tell when drunk" option.
This ends now, eat the goddamn beans!
#3
Its better knowing than not knowing. The worst she can say is no, its better than wondering what if?

But what do I know though? mayb it'll end in murder suicide?

- Aaron
#4
Seems it would have been better for him to not know.
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#5
i'm the kind of person who would wait until i feel there is no chance for failure. unfortunately, i always see a chance for failure, so...

foreveralone.
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#6
Yah, its was proper advice. He just needs to get thicker skin which will come with time. He's gonna get shut down tons of times in his life but "19 no's and 1 yes is a yes"
"Spin the middle side topwise. Topwise!"

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#7
Emotions are best kept bottled up until you encounter that one individual that seriously needs the shit choked out of him.
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#8
Make a move asap. I did this today actually and got rejected, but I'm over it already cause I didn't wait around.
i don't know why i feel so dry
#9
Quote by Jackal58
Emotions are best kept bottled up until you encounter that one individual that seriously needs the shit choked out of him.

Wha- ... um, I'm not sure I... wait, what???
#11
As far as girls go, don't tell them how you feel about them directly, unless you're pretty confident you'll get a satisfying reaction from it (which doesn't usually become possible until you're in a relationship with them). Or if you just have nothing to lose and it's your last option with a girl (the "Gahh, what the hell..." attitude, in other words).

In general, I'm only open about my feelings to a select number of people. My mom, most of the time. My dad, sister, and brother, sometimes. And I have one very good friend who probably knows me better than anyone else I can think of and we've both gotten pretty open with each other.

Lately I've been more open with my feelings, as my good friend who I could tell anything to, is off in the Navy for 8 months. So I find that I do need to come out and so what's going on with my mind, however I just need to find the right people. Which is almost always family for me. I don't like to get to that level of closeness with friends.
#12
I have learned that I should not wait too long to express my feelings about someone, so I kind of know what your friend is going through. I think it is strange that I feel more comfortable talking about my feelings with complete strangers rather than with my closest friends.
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#13
Quote by CoreysMonster
Wha- ... um, I'm not sure I... wait, what???

You gave him good advice man. Next time just choke the shit out of him though. It's better than wasting good advice. We all want to be mentally healthy.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
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Quote by Xiaoxi
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#15
I keep most things bottled up. You can't trust most people now a days, and they'll most likely end up using your own feelings against you. But getting rejected is no big deal, he'll get over it.
#16
Quote by carlos_almighty
i'm the kind of person who would wait until i feel there is no chance for failure. unfortunately, i always see a chance for failure, so...

foreveralone.

This is my exact approach as well.
#17
I don't think keeping feelings to yourself, if you don't think expressing them is a good idea, is unhealthy. You have a conscious mind for a reason.

That said, in this sort of situation I have no fucking clue.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
Last edited by whalepudding at Apr 30, 2011,
#18
I think it's best to just be upfront. why beat around the bush? dragging it out will only make it worse, imo.
#19
Quote by MakinLattes
I think it's best to just be upfront. why beat around the bush? dragging it out will only make it worse, imo.

because that's the entire incentive.


HEYYYOOOOO!
#21
Quote by CoreysMonster
because that's the entire incentive.


HEYYYOOOOO!

You know, I was gonna say "because you wanna beat around her bush," but no. I resisted easy pun. Show some self-control...
This ends now, eat the goddamn beans!
#22
Naw, you fucked up.

Nothing is more unromantic, uncharming and sympathy-invoking in a woman, than a man who comes up to her out of the blue and says 'derp, I leik u'

Girls want strong men. Strong men don't tell, they show. You should have told him to take her on a kickass date, flirt like a greek whore, and make a move on her. Success rate is astronomically higher.
#23
Quote by Våd Hamster
Naw, you fucked up.

Nothing is more unromantic, uncharming and sympathy-invoking in a woman, than a man who comes up to her out of the blue and says 'derp, I leik u'

Girls want strong men. Strong men don't tell, they show. You should have told him to take her on a kickass date, flirt like a greek whore, and make a move on her. Success rate is astronomically higher.

Woulda been a lot funnier if he did all that and still got a no...
This ends now, eat the goddamn beans!
#24
Funny, I was in some kind of the same situation as your friend, but I couldn't ask her out, she got occupied when I started to get some bit of courage :/

Anyways, if feelings are hidden for a long time, they will go away, or stack up. In my case, the first. But in his case it might have become the second, which could've had some bad effects. Anyways, I think you made the right decision. Now he's rejected he can finish the chapter, and look forward, instead of feeling bad because he can't ask her out yet cause he doesn't dare to.

TL;DR Best decision.
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#25
If I told a few of my friends the truth/what I felt, the relation between us would be changed forever sadly. I rarely express my feelings.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#26
Never ever tell a girl about your feelings unless you're a) in a serious relationship b) actually a woman.

And yes, I've learned it the hard way.
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#27
I'd be honest about my feelings... but then again I'm only interested in the emotional aspect of a relationship so it wouldn't matter if nobody's sexually attracted to me.
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#28
He waited too long, problem is you should have given the advice sooner. If a guy is beating around the bush for half a year with a girl, it's already too late.

Here is my step to step guide for getting chicks

1. See cute girl in bar/pub/club
2. Make move
3. If girl isn't an annoying **** or has rejected you move on to step 4
4. Treat her like she really has to proof herself and you're better than her
5. Get lucky
6. After a couple dates, make her your woman if you feel like it


If you start acting vulnerable before you're in an acutal relationship, you're pretty much ****ed.


EDIT: See my sig as prove to how I get bitches
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Last edited by Antis0cial at Apr 30, 2011,
#29
Quote by Våd Hamster
Naw, you fucked up.

Nothing is more unromantic, uncharming and sympathy-invoking in a woman, than a man who comes up to her out of the blue and says 'derp, I leik u'

Girls want strong men. Strong men don't tell, they show. You should have told him to take her on a kickass date, flirt like a greek whore, and make a move on her. Success rate is astronomically higher.


I agree but for a different reason.

If you have to ask than it usually isn't meant to be.

Usually, unless both individuals are REALLY shy, two people that like EACH OTHER, usually hook up and KNOW it.

Again, if you have to ask, don't bother.
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#30
Quote by Antis0cial
He waited too long, problem is you should have given the advice sooner. If a guy is beating around the bush for half a year with a girl, it's already too late.

Here is my step to step guide for getting chicks

1. See cute girl in bar/pub/club
2. Make move
3. If girl isn't an annoying **** or has rejected you move on to step 4
4. Treat her like she really has to proof herself and you're better than her
5. Get lucky
6. After a couple dates, make her your woman if you feel like it


If you start acting vulnerable before you're in an acutal relationship, you're pretty much ****ed.


EDIT: See my sig as prove to how I get bitches


this is the standard piece of advice as far as this sort of thing goes, and i dont know how many times it's been given to me, but whenever i attempt it, i always end up looking and feeling like an asshole. (and not the kind that pulls women.)
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#31
Quote by Jackson kv
Its better knowing than not knowing. The worst she can say is no, its better than wondering what if?

But what do I know though? mayb it'll end in murder suicide?

- Aaron



Not necessarily. Every situation is different, there's no general rule as to what you should do. Do what you think is right, basically - if you think it'll make you happier, go for it, if not, then don't. I tend to keep things to myself and it works out much better for me.
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#32
I personally need to know that the odds are in favour of me being successful. But you'll never get what you want if you're not assertive.
MaKing thE possiBlE...
...totaLlY impossible
#33
I dont like to talk about my feelings and I feel like its not a good thing.
I seem to be angry most of the time now days.
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#34
Quote by Våd Hamster
Naw, you fucked up.

Nothing is more unromantic, uncharming and sympathy-invoking in a woman, than a man who comes up to her out of the blue and says 'derp, I leik u'

Girls want strong men. Strong men don't tell, they show. You should have told him to take her on a kickass date, flirt like a greek whore, and make a move on her. Success rate is astronomically higher.


yep, this.

Never say how much you like a woman, its awful. Show it, by asking her out on a date and making a move.
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#35
TL;Read anyway.
Quote by CoreysMonster


Anyways, my question is, did I give him right advice? Do you think that it's better to come clean with your feelings, even when you feel that the time isn't perfect yet, or should you wait until you feel that the chance of being rejected is very, very small?


Emotions are so fickle, I feel like no one person on this planet has a hold on what emotional or physical or mental stability is.
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#36
olololool gay olololl.

Really though, something as pissy as asking someone out. If I want to go out with someone, I'll just ask, its not like you have anything to lose from asking someone out.

As was said above, don't just 'HURP i like you.' It never works.
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Last edited by Nimbus456 at Apr 30, 2011,
#37
Quote by Mechanixx
yep, this.

Never say how much you like a woman, its awful. Show it, by asking her out on a date and making a move.



Worst. Advice. Ever.

Do ANY of you actually know any real women?

It's show AND tell for a reason, kids. Do both. We like to hear things like that directly too.

Anyway this seems to be getting a little relationship thready...
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#38
Quote by esther_mouse
Worst. Advice. Ever.

Do ANY of you actually know any real women?

It's show AND tell for a reason, kids. Do both. We like to hear things like that directly too.

Anyway this seems to be getting a little relationship thready...



Maybe I should clarify, I am of the opinion that outside of a relationship, it isn't advisable to tell a girl how much you like her. I tell my girlfriend I love her, but I didn't before we got together.
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#39
The chance of getting rejected is never very, very small..
..only when they've just been dumped or they are feeling miserable, but what honourable guy would ever go for that?
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#40
Aw, your initial post made me cringe. Just blurting out that you like someone out of the blue is incredibly awful for everyone involved. He should have just kept it bottled up.
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