#1
So naturally I ask the best advice area I know of (a.k.a The Pit)

So, I have this friend and the two of us got really close this past summer, shes basically become my best friend and the person who knows the most about me (etc. etc.). Recently shes been feeling really depressed, something neither of us are stranger too and have been aiding each other in not feeling that way for a while now, it's been really bad recently and she's developed some self destructive habits, drinking more often than she had before and cutting being the most apparent.

No matter what I do I just can't seem to help her, and it's been killing me. Recently it seemed like she might be getting over her depressed state, then we got into a huge fight and didn't speak for a while, it threw both of us into a downward spiral and she was thrown back into depression and cut herself again, I still feel terrible about it since it was mainly my fault.

I just don't know what to do anymore, like I said we're really close and I care about her more than anything, and I don't want her to do something stupid that she'll regret. I'm afraid going to her parents (obviously the smart choice here) would result in her getting angry at me and me losing her. I'm just at a loss of options and for whatever reason I felt telling the pit this would help me get some feelings out and maybe help me find a solution.

Offer what help you can, thanks.
Quote by MagicsDevil




29 internets to you, good sir.


Quote by undecided1993
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#3
Quote by HelloDoggy
Just to get the obvious out of the way, did you apologize for the fight?

Yeah we worked everything out, but she's still felt like shit since then and I feel it's my fault
Quote by MagicsDevil




29 internets to you, good sir.


Quote by undecided1993
Well I apologise for not taking pictures of my naked mother.


Pokémon SoulSilver Friend code:0775-6767-8676
#4
Unless they're damned good parents, I wouldn't tell them; I doubt they'd be able to do anything to pull her out of depression.

Do you know why she's feeling this way? If not, finding that out is where you need to start.
#5
Quote by Jon777
Unless they're damned good parents, I wouldn't tell them; I doubt they'd be able to do anything to pull her out of depression.

Do you know why she's feeling this way? If not, finding that out is where you need to start.

She's been really stressed about school recently, and her grandmother died around winter break. It just seems like things have been getting worse and worse recently and I'm scared of what might happen to her
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29 internets to you, good sir.


Quote by undecided1993
Well I apologise for not taking pictures of my naked mother.


Pokémon SoulSilver Friend code:0775-6767-8676
#6
There has to be more going on that's troubling her than just your fight. It might seem that way to you, but falling back in to a depressive state because of an argument with a friend that, according to you, has been resolved, doesn't seem that likely unless she's REALLY sensitive. If that's the case, you can't do anything.

PagEDIT: ^ Oh, well then I guess all you can do is let her know you're always there, and just be by her side to support her
Last edited by IommiPage at May 1, 2011,
#7
Are you guys together?
Otherwise, just kiss her and make her happy. That is, if you feel like that bout her.
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I had a friend who was held at gunpoint as a cashier. The robber told him to give him all the money in the register and what not. Apparently my friend then replied, "Would you like a slurpee with that?"
#8
She is REALLY sensitive that's kind of what caused the whole fight (I really don't want to go into specifics but it was something really small)
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29 internets to you, good sir.


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#9
Quote by TimTheWizard
Are you guys together?
Otherwise, just kiss her and make her happy. That is, if you feel like that bout her.



even if you aren't together, it seems like you're into her. kiss her! be the one happy thing in her life. and don't you dare make her unhappy.
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#10
Here's a tip I learned from a girl who wanted to help me in a similar situation. My girlfriend's been having some real self esteem and insecurity issues lately, so this other girl suggested I write her a letter telling her how beautiful she is and how much I love her and stuff like that. I tried it and it made her day. According to her best friend she was raving about it on her bus home. Maybe you could try something similar, just telling her how sorry you are and how much seeing her like this hurts you. Girls don't like when their issues are hurting their loved ones, so maybe letting her know how much you care and don't like seeing her like this, she'll want to stop feeling bad. Try it. Let me know how it worked for you.
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#11
Quote by fearofthemark
even if you aren't together, it seems like you're into her. kiss her! be the one happy thing in her life. and don't you dare make her unhappy.

Yeah, otherwise she'd kill herself /totallynotputtinganypressureonyou

I keed, I keed I bet you could make her the happiest girl in the world if you're that close
Quote by Ulalume
I had a friend who was held at gunpoint as a cashier. The robber told him to give him all the money in the register and what not. Apparently my friend then replied, "Would you like a slurpee with that?"
#12
Quote by wannabestoner69
She is REALLY sensitive that's kind of what caused the whole fight (I really don't want to go into specifics but it was something really small)


Your peni... Nevermind....

Communication is the best answer. Or try making her happy. Pick her up one night and just drive for hours to the nearest big city and stay up all night, or take her out to an empty field on a dark clear night and look at the stars and talk. It doesn't have to be romantic if it isn't, just make her smile.
You can call me Aaron.


♠♣♥♦
Out on parole, any more instances of plum text and I get put back in...
#13
If she's very sensitive, trying to interfere could easily upset her more and make the situation worse. Let her know you're there, and that you care, but don't try to push yourself in to her situation.

PagEDIT: I don't know about kissing her... you don't really know how she's going to react. But I really like classicrockboy's idea, try that
Last edited by IommiPage at May 1, 2011,
#14
Quote by classicrockboy
Here's a tip I learned from a girl who wanted to help me in a similar situation. My girlfriend's been having some real self esteem and insecurity issues lately, so this other girl suggested I write her a letter telling her how beautiful she is and how much I love her and stuff like that. I tried it and it made her day. According to her best friend she was raving about it on her bus home. Maybe you could try something similar, just telling her how sorry you are and how much seeing her like this hurts you. Girls don't like when their issues are hurting their loved ones, so maybe letting her know how much you care and don't like seeing her like this, she'll want to stop feeling bad. Try it. Let me know how it worked for you.


This is a great idea!

EDIT: Or bake her muffins with pinks hearts on them or something. You know her better than all of us so you know how to tickle her twinkie.
Strange, It seems like a character mutation, Though I have all the means, of bringing you fuckers down, I can't make myself, To destroy upon command, Somehow forgiveness, lets the evil make a loss - Danger Mouse/Sparklehorse/Wayne Coyne
Last edited by walkingminstral at May 1, 2011,
#15
Quote by wannabestoner69
She's been really stressed about school recently, and her grandmother died around winter break. It just seems like things have been getting worse and worse recently and I'm scared of what might happen to her


Well, sometimes there are situations where you really can't do a whole lot to help. If she's dealing with a death, what she needs is time. Be there for her and try to make her happy while you're around, but give her some space. I'm sure she'll move on from this eventually.
#17
Letter writing it is I suppose...
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29 internets to you, good sir.


Quote by undecided1993
Well I apologise for not taking pictures of my naked mother.


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#19
Quote by wannabestoner69
Letter writing it is I suppose...


Dont suppose... It really is a good idea provided of course are a decent writer . Don't make it too cheesy and add something neat like a little poem you wrote about her. Chicks totally dig that stuff man.
Strange, It seems like a character mutation, Though I have all the means, of bringing you fuckers down, I can't make myself, To destroy upon command, Somehow forgiveness, lets the evil make a loss - Danger Mouse/Sparklehorse/Wayne Coyne
#20
Quote by HelloDoggy
Show Pit a draft of the letter.


This
Strange, It seems like a character mutation, Though I have all the means, of bringing you fuckers down, I can't make myself, To destroy upon command, Somehow forgiveness, lets the evil make a loss - Danger Mouse/Sparklehorse/Wayne Coyne
#21
Quote by HelloDoggy
Show Pit a draft of the letter.

I was planning on that. This is probably going to be terrible, but there really is no better way to use my writing skills.
Quote by MagicsDevil




29 internets to you, good sir.


Quote by undecided1993
Well I apologise for not taking pictures of my naked mother.


Pokémon SoulSilver Friend code:0775-6767-8676
#23
This letter is pretty terrible and she'll probably never see it, but what the pit wants the pit gets so here it is...

Dear You,
I’m not sure how to start this, I’m not even sure what this letter is going to contain so let’s just start this journey.

When I met you three years ago I could have never guessed that we’d end up where we are now. In all seriousness I just thought you’d become a vague memory of my sophomore year that I’d never see again. Instead you’ve wound up as pretty much the most important person in my life, and that’s why I’m writing this.

I’ve been feeling like shit recently, and it’s because you’ve been feeling like shit. I just don’t know what to do to help you and it’s killing me. I can’t stand to see a person as amazing as you to crumble and fall apart, it just isn’t fair. I just wish I knew a way to help you and that’s all I’ve been trying to do for months.

When we got into that fight not too long ago my life seriously feel apart. Suddenly everything came crumbling apart, I felt worse than I ever had, nothing had taken me that low. Suddenly my best friend, the person I’d do literally anything for, wanted nothing to do with me and wouldn’t talk to me. I didn’t know how to react I was sure I’d ruined everything forever, over something stupid. The first time we did talk after that we got into another argument and I fell even lower than I was before, it sucked. I sat in my room and found myself incapable of doing anything for quite a while. I was convinced I’d lost you, I actually cried that night.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity we managed to work things out, but I still didn’t feel better. You told me that because of the fight you sunk really low and had cut yourself again, it was my fault you did it, it was all my fault and I felt like shit, I still do actually. I can’t even remember if I’d formally apologized for what happened, so I’m doing it now I’m sorry I was an idiot and almost destroyed what we had. Something I never want to lose or risk again.

Still after things had been worked out you weren’t happy, the way you deserve to be. You stayed in a pit and haven’t been able to come out. If I could right now I’d take everything bad you were feeling just so you could be happy (call it cheesy or whatever but it’s how I’ve been feeling). I just want you to feel better. No one deserves to feel that way, especially not you, the most amazing person I know.


I mean everything I say in this and I really do mean you are the best thing that’s happened to me, and the best person I know. I honestly love everything about you, there’s not a single aspect I would change, I just wish you could see that and see yourself the same way I do. I really think you’re the greatest person I’ve ever met and probably ever will meet. I guess if this is what you would call love I’m in the deep end with no way out. I can’t imagine being without you or losing you, and I’m worried, I’m afraid you’ll do something and you’ll regret it. I just wish I could save you from the pit you’ve been in recently so you could feel as awesome as you really are, I just want you to feel the same about you that I do.

-me


I don't know this is probably a terrible idea


EDIT: I added more to it in case anyone cares

The time I spend with you, whether it’s just driving around, or fishing (inside joke for consuming of a certain green plant), or sitting around doing nothing, or getting xbox achievements like a boss, or just doing something pointless and stupid, are the few times I feel wonderfully happy and content with life. Being with you just kind of makes the shitty parts of life disappear for a while. I don’t know how to describe it you just have this sort of energy about you that makes everything fantastic. I can’t even describe it but everything is significantly better with Claire D_____ around.

This letter is probably a terrible idea and you almost certainly feel completely different, but it’s something I needed to do. Ignore it and pretend it never happened or confront me about it I really don’t care I just needed to get this out. Just don’t let this **** things up, that would suck.
Quote by MagicsDevil




29 internets to you, good sir.


Quote by undecided1993
Well I apologise for not taking pictures of my naked mother.


Pokémon SoulSilver Friend code:0775-6767-8676
Last edited by wannabestoner69 at May 1, 2011,
#24
Quote by wannabestoner69
I just wish I could save you from the pit



I lol'ed.

No but really, this is perfectly fine, and screw it, it probably won't hurt much to send it.
#25
Quote by wannabestoner69
This letter is pretty terrible and she'll probably never see it, but what the pit wants the pit gets so here it is...

Dear You,
I’m not sure how to start this, I’m not even sure what this letter is going to contain so let’s just start this journey.

When I met you three years ago I could have never guessed that we’d end up where we are now. In all seriousness I just thought you’d become a vague memory of my sophomore year that I’d never see again. Instead you’ve wound up as pretty much the most important person in my life, and that’s why I’m writing this.

I’ve been feeling like shit recently, and it’s because you’ve been feeling like shit. I just don’t know what to do to help you and it’s killing me. I can’t stand to see a person as amazing as you to crumble and fall apart, it just isn’t fair. I just wish I knew a way to help you and that’s all I’ve been trying to do for months.

When we got into that fight not too long ago my life seriously feel apart. Suddenly everything came crumbling apart, I felt worse than I ever had, nothing had taken me that low. Suddenly my best friend, the person I’d do literally anything for, wanted nothing to do with me and wouldn’t talk to me. I didn’t know how to react I was sure I’d ruined everything forever, over something stupid. The first time we did talk after that we got into another argument and I fell even lower than I was before, it sucked. I sat in my room and found myself incapable of doing anything for quite a while. I was convinced I’d lost you, I actually cried that night.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity we managed to work things out, but I still didn’t feel better. You told me that because of the fight you sunk really low and had cut yourself again, it was my fault you did it, it was all my fault and I felt like shit, I still do actually. I can’t even remember if I’d formally apologized for what happened, so I’m doing it now I’m sorry I was an idiot and almost destroyed what we had. Something I never want to lose or risk again.

Still after things had been worked out you weren’t happy, the way you deserve to be. You stayed in a pit and haven’t been able to come out. If I could right now I’d take everything bad you were feeling just so you could be happy (call it cheesy or whatever but it’s how I’ve been feeling). I just want you to feel better. No one deserves to feel that way, especially not you, the most amazing person I know.


I mean everything I say in this and I really do mean you are the best thing that’s happened to me, and the best person I know. I honestly love everything about you, there’s not a single aspect I would change, I just wish you could see that and see yourself the same way I do. I really think you’re the greatest person I’ve ever met and probably ever will meet. I guess if this is what you would call love I’m in the deep end with no way out. I can’t imagine being without you or losing you, and I’m worried, I’m afraid you’ll do something and you’ll regret it. I just wish I could save you from the pit you’ve been in recently so you could feel as awesome as you really are, I just want you to feel the same about you that I do.

-me


I don't know this is probably a terrible idea

ಠ_ಠ
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#26
can SHE get a tl;dr
There's danger on the edge of town,
Ride the king's highway baby



#27
Quote by Manimosity
can SHE get a tl;dr

Nah, girls appreciate the long and heartfelt letters. From my experience anyway.
#28
Quote by Manimosity
can SHE get a tl;dr

If she was more into internet forums I would totally put that at the bottom just to lighten the mood
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29 internets to you, good sir.


Quote by undecided1993
Well I apologise for not taking pictures of my naked mother.


Pokémon SoulSilver Friend code:0775-6767-8676
#29
Quote by wannabestoner69
If she was more into internet forums I would totally put that at the bottom just to lighten the mood

lol yeee
There's danger on the edge of town,
Ride the king's highway baby



#30
I’ve been feeling like shit recently, and it’s because you’ve been feeling like shit.


When we got into that fight not too long ago my life seriously feel apart.


That letter seems to be focused on you too much. focus on her.
#31
take her to an arboretum or something nice like that, and if she's grieving and depressed, she's allowed to seem irrational or hypersensitive. it's not your place to correct her, just support her.
#32
Quote by wannabestoner69
I just don't know what to do anymore, like I said we're really close and I care about her more than anything, and I don't want her to do something stupid that she'll regret.


Tell her that.
We are the diamonds that choose to stay coal;
A generation born to witness
The end of the world

#33
Well brah, it isn't your fault if she cuts herself because she's sad.
Either she wants attention, or she needs professional help. Sorry to say, but you can't do jack shit for her, besides be a good friend.
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#34
Quote by biga29
Your peni... Nevermind....

Communication is the best answer. Or try making her happy. Pick her up one night and just drive for hours to the nearest big city and stay up all night, or take her out to an empty field on a dark clear night and look at the stars and talk. It doesn't have to be romantic if it isn't, just make her smile.

This is the best advice. Kissing is a dangerous thing. Some girls would love it but someone would reaalllyy not like it.

I'm not so sure about the letter. Take her out, make it a day for her and hang out all damn day and as late as you can. Tell her it's because she's been so stressed and this is her special day to forget all that and relax, do whatever she wants. Tell her you're there for her whenever she needs. You could mention the cutting making you feel bad if you like.

This can be entirely platonic or extremely romantic depending on how you present it and she takes it. And give her a big hug.
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#35
give her lots of hugs and tell her to see a therapist. apart from that take her on fun activities like bowling and stuff. exercise is a proven way to help get over depression
ಠ_ಠ
<|>
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#36
Work it out with a bottle. Hit her, problem solved. Just be sure to drink the whiskey first.
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