#1
Okay so basically, I had Saturday Detention at my school a few weeks ago so I started writing what I intended to be one really long song, that turned into one really long song with ten movements, which turned into ten songs. (The last of which is not written yet)

Basically, the story I'm telling here is about a boy (older towards the end) who is Schizophrenic and Autistic (Probably something else too, not exactly much of a psychologist) and I'm looking to improve the lyrics, they essentially tell the story in a fairly straightforward manner, which I like, but I do want to improve on it. So I'm going to post the 9 songs that I have written followed by a summary of the story song for song.

I don't expect anyone to read this all the way through at all, maybe just skim through it or read through one of the songs, just tell me what you think. And of course, C4C.

Here goes.

1. My Infant Eyes

Crawling, through the nothingness
Searching for the warmth that I knew before
Holding, on for dear life
Nearing, my infant eyes see the light

Oh, how new it all seemed, this world
It's upsetting, what is does to you
Hearing everything, in and our of my own dreams
Not knowing anything

Now outside the known
Thrust into a fearful state of mind
Not knowing what to think
Could not imagine this is real

Oh, and then gentle hands came to me
These hands would come to be my best friends
No, but new hands now close in on me
Making me see, my worst enemies, or soon to be

2. Up and Down

Now a child
I understand more that happens around me
Like when mommy comes and
Picks me up, up and down

Running, jumping, slipping and sliding
Just me and mommy
How can she not see
These feeling I carry for her

Then suddenly comes that noise
Run a long Arnie, your father seems angry
Just head Upstairs, go to bed
I'll see you in the morning

But I couldn't sleep
Tonight I would not dream
I had to do something
I couldn't let him hurt mommy again

3. Empty

Empty holes, Empty Spaces
Empty, people, Empty faces
Which used to be so filled with substance inside

Broken bones, Broken souls
Broken people, growing old
They all used to have peace of mind

Arnie answer the question
Arnie this Arnie that
Can't you see Arnie's mad?
Just go away now
What did you do?

(Instrumental break)
Silence won't bring her back Arnie
Holding it in will just make it worse Arnie
You're staying for a while
Because we know you have something to hide

Oh do you? I suppose you know everything?
Mr. Big Shot White Coat MD
Then surely you must know how this goes?
You'll know if I tell you he'll see.
Who?
No I don't want that.
What?
To join them.
Join who!?

Empty holes, Empty spaces
Empty people, Empty faces
Broken bones, broken souls
Broken people, growing old
Filthy doctors, Filthy patients
Filthy nurses, Filthy traces of
Rotting wood, Rotting (something)
Rotting people, Rotting Corpses

4. Oceanside
Welcome young man to your new home
The oceanside orphanage for troubled youth
I think you'll find the accomidations are suitable
And to your liking
Here's your room go inside, it's bed time

Deceptive greeting
Hollow smiles
The broken home inside my head
Goes on for miles
Why must they lie
Here at oceanside

There's no beds
There's no food
There's no rest
There's no room
There's not even an ocean

And nobody will ever
Ever
Come looking for a son
At oceanside

Wouldn't that be nice
To have a family
Well where's yours?
Well you see...
What what?
A ****ing tragedy occured
Yes yes
These things inside of me
They tell me what to see
And I saw an oppurtunity
To free myself

(Instrumental Break)

Oh Arnie! What have they done to you!?
I'll take him off your hands
But surely ma'am
I'm his mother unhand me
He's mine he's my baby

More lies... from oceanside
Mommy's not here she's in hell
My mommy is dead, heard her die from my bed
Not here, not there, no Mommy isn't anywhere!

Come on now Arnie, let's get you home
Come with me
Into mommy's arms you'll come
Home.

5. Dani/Up and Down reprise

They laugh and point
"Teacher!" they say in their aggravating voices
"Why won't he play with us?
Is he weird?"
"No no just different!"
He's not normal they'd say
And he will not play
Little Arnie

Boy, who are you?
Can't you hear me?
Don't worry about them
I won't hurt you like them
I just want to know your name

You know most teenage boys talk sometimes
Even weird ones
No you aren't weird
It's just you're not like other boys I've met
And I would bet
That you need a friend

Running, jumping, slipping and sliding
Just me and Dani
And yes she can see
These feelings I carry for her

Then suddenly, that noise
Stay here Arnie, my father seems angry
Put your clothes on, leave the bed
I'll be back in a minute
I couldn't stay calm

I just got angry
I had to do something I couldn't let him hurt Mommy again!

D: Arnie No! Arnie Stop!
A: Arnie no! Arnie STOP!
D: ARNIE NO! ARNIE STOP!
A: ARNIE NO! ARNIE!
Both: STOP!

6. Bliss

Now you're free
To be with me
You'll be with Arnie
I'll be with Dani
It will be lovely
Heaven smiles on us Dani
Aren't you happy?

(Slow sad guitar solo)

(Distortion rhythm comes in behind the acoustic)

No? You aren't happy?
Well you must be happy
You're here with me
You're here with Arnie
I'm here with Mommy!
It's so lovely!
Heaven smiles on us Dani!
You are happy
Happy here with me
Eternally
Isn't that nice Dani?
Isn't that great Mommy?

7. Boiling Point

Look at this weak link
This little pathetic fool
Can't he see around her, I make all the rules?

I can't bare to look at him
He's crying, you scared him away!
Arnie's not at home right now
Can't even manage to keep me at bay
Well never fear Arnold
Robbie's here to save the day

Robert E. Kent
That's what they call me
But you oh good doctor
You can call me Robbie

And yes good sir
I think you'll find me
Incredibly Articulate in
Every letter down to the t

Now I understand
You have some questions for Arnie?
Well now those questions, are for me.

I'm the one in charge here
I can't get that through his head
If he'd stop being so ****ing stubborn
These poor people wouldn't be dead

You see Arnie's a bit weird
A little head case if you will
And whenever somebody hurts him
He gets the urge to kill

Now understand he doesn't mean no harm
He only tries to do what's right
But touch somebody that he loves
And you're bound to get in a fight

And you know he has a thick head
And I can assure you I tried to stop him
But he just looked at me and said

**** you Robbie, don't try to stop me
Nobody, nobody will ever hurt mommy
Shut up Robbie, just leave me be
Absolutely nobody will ever hurt Dani
Shut your mouth Robbie, you can't hurt me
No one in this world will ever hurt me
Go away Robbie, please leave please
This ****ing doctor is trying to hurt me
Stop him Robbie, Stop him stop him please!

But don't worry dear doctor, to him... you won't speak.

8. Sentimental Loneliness

Excuse me sir, perhaps you're lost upon your way
This is somewhere you musn't go unless you plan to stay
I can tell you're lost and scared, and you haven't got the heart
To tell yourself what you've feared from the start

All the people are all weeping
For their hearts are filled with nothing
And all the shattered dreams reside here
And all the whole hearts will break

And all these people all these faces
So many different hearts from different places
They've all dared to dream, but oh it seems
Dreaming's not good enough to leave

They tell you something's wrong
And you never get to try
Because you're clearly not insane
And you just break down and cry

Why'd you have to leave?
Why did you need to go?
Was it worth it? See!
You didn't need to go oh no

(Instrumental break)

Excuse me ma'am I'm lost upon my way
This is somewhere I didn't want to go, didn't plan to stay
Can't you tell I'm lost and scared? And I haven't got the heart!
To tell myself what I've feared from the start!

Because now I am weeping
Because my heart is filled with nothing
And all my memories of you reside here
And now my heart is broken...

And it's just me, me who paces
Up and down as my heart races
Casue I've dared to dream, but oh it seems
Dreaming's not good enough, to bring you back
BRIAN. SCHNEIDER.
#3
9. Asylumaniac

Inside this tiny room resides a monster
Don't even look at him, he's gone insane
He wallows in his own shit for days at a time
And to think this monster used to have a name

Arnold they called him, just a normal boy
Quiet maybe, but nothing strange
Til one day, Arnie, got a hold of a sharp toy
And he grew tired of his father, what a shame

But that's enough of Arnie's story, nobody cares
His life has been boring, uneventful, all played up
Too many overbearing theatrics, riddled with plotholes
Told from the perspective of an outsider

He didn't see how could he know what went on in Arnie's head?
He wasn't there he doesn't even know who is and who isn't dead
Clearly to him Arnie's simply a character
Clearly some one else should write the story.

I can give you the abridged
But please try to forgive
If I skip a detail or two
So here we go just strap in
It's a tale full of sin
And where we'll go, well we'll never know.

(Instrumental break)

As a child he was a loner, no friends of any sort
But he grew infatuated with somebody, some one he would try to court
Here the boys own mother lying dead upon the floor
He'd thought his father did her in, but she was sick and they were poor

He never responded to a soul from there on out no not a word
Even at a beautiful orphanage all he did was ****ing stare at birds
He longed to be like them to fly free and not fall
He thought maybe, just maybe, he'd fly if he was tall

Silly childhood dreams continued through the years
Until his dear aunt Sally came and tried to wipe away the tears
Arnie still would never answer, Arnie still would never blink
So Sally decided one day maybe schooling would make him think

True he was ridiculed, for never playing, and being weird
At night Arnie would come home and in his room he would tear
Until one day a lovely girl, came up to him and smiled
The only friend he ever made, the only contact he desired

She was caring, she was loving, she was never ever rude
However Arnie saw some one in her life as being very crude
Another misconception, isn't it sad? Another father
Arnie tried to explain but Dani thought, why even bother?

But he wouldn't let her leave, oh no, not like this
He ran over to her, and he tried to give her a kiss
Dani pushed him away, and told him never to come again
Unfortunately for her, Arnie located a pen (or something, I hate that line)

So that's the story now we're here
Please let me know, did I miss a spot dear?
That what you wanted? Yes he's crazy
And after that my memory is a little bit hazy

But honestly, yours would be too.

I've been in here for years and all I see are Arnie's tears
It's ridiculous, to say the least
Can't you please get me out?
I won't cry, I won't pout
Just let me the **** out!! Of here.

10. Not written yet, will be the end.

PLOT SUMMARY.

1. Arnie is born

2. Arnie falls romantically in love with his mother, his father kills his mother, Arnie kills his father.

3. Arnie is questioned by the police who he ignores.

4. Arnie is sent to an Orphanage with hellish living conditions until his Aunt, claiming to be his mother, adopts him.

5. Arnie meets Dani, the only person in his life that he doesn't despise, eventually, while at Dani's house, Dani's father comes home. Arnie thinks her father is hurting her and kills him. Also Arnie begins to confuse Dani with his mother.

6. Arnie asks Dani if she's happy. Once he realizes that she doesn't want to be with him anymore he kills her.

(Yes I know there's been a lot of killing up to this point, no more though haha)

7. Robbie, Arnie's alter-ego/2nd personality/Imaginary friend talks to a doctor at an Asylum about Arnie's weakness and how he tried to stop Arnie from killing all of those people.

8. Arnie reflects on his life while inside of the Asylum and begins to regret everything he's done.

9. Robbie explains his point of view in the story. In Robbie's version a number of things are different.
A - Arnie's father did not kill his mother, she died because she was sick.
B - Nobody heard Arnie when he thought he was speaking to them.
C - Oceanside Orphanage was a perfectly happy place.
D - Arnie's aunt never claimed to be his mother.
E - Dani's father never hurt her, Dani's death was accidental.

10. Once it is written it will have Robbie sort of splitting into several of his own personalities, all taunting Arnie from different points of view, culminating in the ending which will either be Arnie's death or Arnie being stuck in a catatonic/paranoid state for the rest of his life.
BRIAN. SCHNEIDER.
Last edited by monkeysintheday at May 1, 2011,
#6
To the recording studio you go!
this is my signature, and it's purple in bold, you can't do anything about it.
#7
Not that I have noticed...although I haven't had time to give it a thorough read. Do you have an idea in your mind of what the correct narrative is?
#8
Quote by Reagar
Not that I have noticed...although I haven't had time to give it a thorough read. Do you have an idea in your mind of what the correct narrative is?


If you mean as far as whether Arnie's or Robbie's point of view is the one that actually happened, I'm leaving that open ended, I wanted to sort of throw a curveball in there. It could be either one, or even one that wasn't presented.
BRIAN. SCHNEIDER.