#1
The river has passed under the bridge,
like a firm embargo
that wallops the shores (and no further.)
I will live on to attain it,
that is my resolution -
a ceiling:
no more crocodile tears
for things I have given the cold-shoulder to
(but I love her all the same.)
This is the end -
the unguarded march
to my original mind,
like a spoilt paradigm shift;
the age of the sourpuss -
with my teeth set on edge.
Goodbye Nana, goodbye father,
goodbye late brother:
where do you think
you’re coming from?
Mum has been worried sick,
her face has turned raw -
but no cauldron
can burn you.
I am covered in sweat;
this is all too much for me to bear -
from a snake to a dragon
is my revelation:
a level-headed avalanche
that has indulged in the leap of fate.
I don't know.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Dec 28, 2011,
#2
This is the end -
my unguarded hour
back to my original mind,
like a spoilt paradigm shift;
the age of the sourpuss,

everything but this was great in both content and flow. this lacked for me because of the lack of imagery. give me a physical anchor here and ill go home happy.
#4
I'm not a fan of adding other languages into poems, especially when it seems kind of arbitrary. Also, ending anything on a question because it shows a lack of decisiveness as a writer...but that's just personal preference.

This is one of those times your eloquence is presented in such a way that seems very natural and not overwrought. Nicely done.
art tumblr

If I'm not raw, I'm just a bit underdone.
#5
I agree with Svetlova on this one, your writing here really flows and feels candid with the exception of the "que" line. Excellent piece overall.

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"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."