#1
There's this girl that I've been talking to for about a month and a half, and I'm pretty into her. I decided to write her a song just for the hell of it. I don't have much self esteem and tend to think negatively, so a few aspects about that are included in the song. Tell me how you think she would feel if I played it for her.

She sees everything
In black and white
A concrete version
In a simple light

Pervasive confusion
To no avail
Captivates me while my
Focus fails

Well I'll

Take a step away
Stop to see the sky
Undertook it wrong
Time is passing by

Wasted cause' I miss
Read all of your cues
And I'm trying hard
Not to feel the blues

Take a look at your
Incandescent eyes
Even though they're dark
Still emitting light

Can't believe I have
Trepidation to
Express how I feel
I admire you

She sees everything
In black and white
A concrete version
In a simple light

Pervasive confusion
To no avail
Captivates me while my
Focus fails,
Focus fails,
Focus fails
Last edited by CatBunny at May 3, 2011,
#2
The metaphores are not to bad,
But I always like to tell people to give a go with experimenting with structures,

4 lines with 4-5 words with the last word rhyming, whilst nice and easy, but if your applying toa song, why not give a go branching out further

Not declining from the quality here in this lyric, but for future experiments
#3
Wow, those lyrics are really good!! I think she would love it. The only thing I would change is incandescent and trepidation that's only because they are big words. I'd love to here a whole song!
#5
Quote by metalcoredude39
You know there's a band called Senses Fail right? Anyways, nice lyrics, probably better than I could do.


I knew the line sounded familiar, but i couldn't put my finger on what it was so i didn't change it. Problem fixed, thanks.