#1
this farmer is a wizard,
a medicine man of
thin air and magic
who
fences off some dirt and calls it
his land, and
this man of power weaves a connection here,
in between two things,
a connection that will
bind him with the land,
that will soothe and stroke that land into
producing life.

But the land lives and kills and dies
without
thought of magic, and the farmer
starves and his children die
and his wife loses
another baby whose name was going to be lily
after those ones by the pond out back, so pretty,
where they'd made her.
the farmer wonders why his land doesn't
love him back.

And the land lives and kills and dies without
thought, and lily is buried in it, right out back by the pond.

that fenced off piece of dirt
that the farmer had chosen for a friend
devours her,
unthinking,
and the farmer renounces thin air and magic
and becomes an accountant for the regional offices of Taco Bell.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#2
had a lot to say, read it again, then decided I only have one thing to say.
the last line was so "eh" for me that I began nitpicking at other things in the rest of my assessment.
it's really quite good, I just have beef with the end. it feels like you weren't sure how to end it, so you went with a twist and a pop culture reference that mirrored the times

overall, kudos

edit: to me, the last line is the poetic equivalent of an old joke your uncle would tell constantly, and you act like you've never heard it before, but it's tired
I want Super Saiyan abilities
Last edited by rebelmidget at May 3, 2011,
#3
I came in here to say to say it was well done, but mainly to point out how awesome the ending is.
"Remember, remember the 5th of November. The gunpowder, treason and plot. I know of no good reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot"