#1
This is a rough draft of my first song that I actually tried to write well. I tried to show how I felt about music, and a side of my own personality. Lemme know what you think.

Dontcha ****in love it when you hear that sound?
Tonight Rock n Roll is gonna fill this town.
I find it kind of hard to not get carried away,
When it comes the time to rock you know Im down to play.

I love to rock,,,,,,, yeah yeah
I wanna rock,,,,,,,, hell yeah
I need to rock,,,,,,,, say it with me now
I love to rock

Just give me a guitar and you get on those drums
Jimmy on the bass and then its time for fun.
Now push it to eleven, Play with all your might.
We'll burn this city down with rock n' roll tonight.

I love to rock,,,,,,, yeah yeah
I wanna rock,,,,,,,, hell yeah
I need to rock,,,,,,,, say it with me now
I love to rock

I love to rock and dont wanna know why
Ill stand here and rock till the day that I die,
And when my spirit is released out into the sky,
I rock there for eternity.


Solo
#3
just look at the last line, i think it could be a little better in 2 ways.

1. If it can rhyme with the 1st or second line of that verse it would be better.

2. the second last line is really long and this one is really short, unless thats what you want try and make it more "natural" so to say.

Also, do you have any music to go with this?

By the way im talking about this section

I love to rock and dont wanna know why
Ill stand here and rock till the day that I die,
And when my spirit is released out into the sky,
I rock there for eternity.
#4
Thanks for your replies. Yes in my last section, it is leading to the solo, so the tempo is slowed down, and I felt it would rhyme to much if I rhymed all four lines. I wanted a good line to lead into the solo. When singing it you stretch it out to fit the tempo of the rest of the section, mainly "eternity", and upon finishing "eternity" the solo commences.

And yes I do have music for it, but unfortunately it is locked away in my mind. I sat down once to try and nail what I am hearing in my head, but didnt really try hard and my results were slim.

Seeing as its an acceptable song I may work on it some more, I got writers block that day and originally intended for it to have a few more verses and an ending.

Thanks again for your replies, any other suggestions?
#5
Hmmm... I found this a little too simple for my liking.
This would of been a hit if it was released 4 or 5 decades though man, so well done on that.

In way of constructive criticism, don't you feel that you should be saying something you think no one has expressed before? Mind you, thats a very tough thing to do. But what I'm saying is, this has all been said before. So maybe try expressing this sort of attitude that is unique to you.

Anyway, I'll never knock a guy for trying and anyone who writes songs is a dude in my books, whether I like the song or not so keep it up.
#6
This was awful. It was cheesy, silly, repetitious and didn't make my body do anything but cringe and whince in frustration and embarrasment. I apologize for being harsh but it needs to be said.

If you want us to feel like you love music, try capturing the millions of words the English language has to offer and put them together in a cohesive and thoughtful manner. Here, it just seems like you slapped together a group of random but common phrases and told us it meant a lot to you. Not once did I actually feel that it did.

Instead of using dull and uninteresting rhymes, try alliteration, or even internal rhyming. Simple techniques like that are used by many great writers across the world as it is an effective way in which to show a particular emotion or to convey a particular feeling. In this case, maybe use rhyming that is musical and fluid to express your attachment to music.

Also, don't use massive spaces with just commas repeated over and over again. It just makes it look untidy, cluttered and almost like a spam message.

And do you even play at 11? If I play my Soldano at 11 – which it can actually do – I will damage my hearing and greatly disturb my family. So, I didn't believe a word of what you said. Who is this Jimmy character? Who plays the drums? What kind of guitar do you play? You offered nothing in the way of details or expression. This piece was written by a 9 year old who didn't like Ben10 or Power Ranges but rock music and rockin' out. That means nothing to me, because you didn't make it mean anything.

If you honestly want to connect to your readers, you need to dig in and find more. Never accept the first thing you put down as the final cut. Tweak it again and again until the ideas poor out. Change words by searching them in a Thesaurus – it's not cheating at all. Develop a theme based on an analogy or metaphor, rather than just a straight up festival of boringness.

Finally, try and write about something that actually is crucial in your life. Music is incredibly important to me, too, but I don't want to write about it because I know I can't. I write about things that people would never see in me if I didn't write it. Try to do something similar. That, I, and anyone else can appreciate.
#7
Quote by AngryGoldfish


Finally, try and write about something that actually is crucial in your life. Music is incredibly important to me, too, but I don't want to write about it because I know I can't. I write about things that people would never see in me if I didn't write it.



Vey well put sir, I felt the same sort of thing and you've just put it into words for me.
#8
Liked the last bit.

And when my spirit is released out into the sky,
I rock there for eternity.


NJ!