#1
You can find the song on my profile or at: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10599974

Still needs some work. Just looking for opinions on the general idea and all that good stuff.

Lyrics:


Blue Blanket hanging on the wall
If it knew the story , why, it'd tell it all
Blue blanket hanging on the wall

Shallow pools of liquid brown
Neither full or hollow
Withe withered endless faces
and many men to follow
Swimming in these pools of filth
exhaustless everhated
well within the caustic grin
the smile has long abated

Broken man knocking on the door
If he had anything, why, he'd give some more
Broken man knocking n the door

In between remaining dreams
Thoughts are torn asunder
While we hear the shadows fall
as gentle rolling thunder

and dreams that now have faded
as pictures long ignored
Judicious, jousted, jaded
the process draw the cord

Little boy thinking up some dreams
If he only knew that, why, it's not what it seems
Little boy thinking up some dreams

Shallow pools of liquid brown
neither full hollow
with withered endless faces
and many men to follow
Into the blinding mystic
with one last to dispose
Fear, folly, failure
I draw this to a close
#2
I love the clean guitar, it so smooth and really accents the treble-y distorted guitar. However the vocals have a weird effect/way too much autotune on them. It sounds like your underwater, if thats what you were going for then thats fine, but I'm not fond of it. Great lead work overall though!
Originally posted by J_Dizzle
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#3
Expanding on the above comment, I find the auto-tune to be a bit much. It's just the curve and attack is a bit quick. You'll want to turn down the retune speed a bit, and it'll smooth out the vocals. I'm really liking the harmonies though.
I also feel there's too much distortion on the guitar in the chorus. I'm usually not one to complain, but when the notes start to lose definition, it becomes a bit of a problem.
On the topic of vocals, I'd also turn them a bit down in the mix. Maybe the clean guitar as well so there's more of a balance between everything that's going on.
Last note: the song seems to just kind of... ends. There's not much of a build, or decrescendo to it. That could be something with the drumline itself though. A few crashes and offbeat snare hits is all I think it'd need, but that's coming from a more "pop" background

But that's just my opinion/crit. I'm digging the clean guitar, and the song definitely has a catchy vibe to it! Nice work!
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#4
The guitar work is solid. I like the mix between the clean and distorted parts.

The little lead licks throughout the song give the whole track a nice character, especially since they're well played.

The drums are alright, but the hi hat sounds extremely artificial. Also, the snare velocity is way too constant to sound human. Since this is a demo, though, I'm assuming the drums are more there to give a suggestion of the final product than a full representation.

The bass is kind of boring. I guess that sort of goes with the genre, but it would be nice to hear a fill going into transitions and what-not.

The outro solo is by far the strongest part of the song. I love it. Not much else to say about that part. It's good. Yeah.

And...vocals. I see three options here:

1) Tone down the auto tune effect. Deal with the little inconsistencies in your pitch; they might add character.

2) Get someone else to sing it.

3) Instrumental with more leads.

Overall, decent to good song, but the auto-tune made me want to turn it off.

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#5
magicninja,
Even though I own an Antares AVP-1, and I know the Auto-tune thing has been rather popular lately, the pitch-corrected vocals are a bit extreme, though kind of interesting. Most of your guitar playing is good, I like the melodies. By the way, you now owe me 2 reviews, since you didn't do a C4C for me on your last thread, so if you want me to review your songs in the future, please check out my music at this link:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1437378
Last edited by aaron aardvark at May 4, 2011,