#1
Hi! I'm new to this forum, anyway, here is one of my lyrics of a song I made.
I'm from Argentina, so the lyrics are in spanish, but i offer here the translation as well.


Por las noches te ven
Buscan hacerte caer
Cuando no hay mas que buscar
Dentro tuyo hallaras

Some nights they see you
they seek you to fall
when there is nothing to look for
inside yourself you will find


Vienen de lejos por ti
Buscan hacerte infeliz
tu fuerza vital quieren ya
de ellos no hay vuelta atras

They come from afar for you
they seek to make you unhappy
your lifeforce is what they want
from them, there is no turning back



Su tenacidad es sin igual
el miedo no tiene rival

Their tenacity is unmatched
Fear doesn't have a rival


Vienen de lejos por ti
Buscan hacerte infeliz
tu fuerza vital quieren ya
de ellos no hay vuelta atras

They come from afar for you
they seek to make you unhappy
your lifeforce is what they want
from them, there is no turning back



De ellos no hay vuelta atras

From them, there is no turning back
#2
Hey there, welcome to S&L. I think there's a rule against posting in languages other than english, but I'm pretty sure if you post a translation it should be alright.


This is a pretty interesting idea, but the problem for me as a reader and someone that isn't in your mind is that these observers don't have a face or emotions. They need to be made as real to me as they are to you, but you need to do it in the words. I think you need to work on providing some images. For example, you say "their tenacity is unmatched". So I say alright, I guess so. But what if you gave me an image of them doing something particularly tenacious? Wouldn't it make me really be able to know how vicious they are if I could visualize it? It would give the reader or listener that much more of a connection to what's happening, and get them that much more into the song. So if I were you, I'd work on that.

There's a thread over in a sub-forum of S&L and it has a whole bunch of tips on writing lyrics, including some stuff on what I've already talked about(and it probably goes way more in depth and says it way better than I did). It can be really really helpful, so I'm gonna link you to it if you wanna go read through it. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=393365

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
Quote by Ganoosh
Hey there, welcome to S&L. I think there's a rule against posting in languages other than english, but I'm pretty sure if you post a translation it should be alright.


This is a pretty interesting idea, but the problem for me as a reader and someone that isn't in your mind is that these observers don't have a face or emotions. They need to be made as real to me as they are to you, but you need to do it in the words. I think you need to work on providing some images. For example, you say "their tenacity is unmatched". So I say alright, I guess so. But what if you gave me an image of them doing something particularly tenacious? Wouldn't it make me really be able to know how vicious they are if I could visualize it? It would give the reader or listener that much more of a connection to what's happening, and get them that much more into the song. So if I were you, I'd work on that.

There's a thread over in a sub-forum of S&L and it has a whole bunch of tips on writing lyrics, including some stuff on what I've already talked about(and it probably goes way more in depth and says it way better than I did). It can be really really helpful, so I'm gonna link you to it if you wanna go read through it. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=393365



Man, thank you so much for your tips. I will look onto them, and rework my stuff.
Thanks a lot!