Hey everyone, I wrote these awhile ago, I really do enjoy them, and I found that when I write lyrics in this style, I usually write a lot better.

(I recorded it too, if anyone wants to hear the melody)

The fools a joke, with his heart in his hand.
A book for a brain, with no room to stand.
With his cold cocked stare and hard wired jaw.
He'll look for years before he knew what he saw.
Significant other, a picture to burn.
A reason to die, a lesson to learn.
His whole life story, a chapter in books
A chord in this song, the cleverest hook.

I'll take your respect before I take your love
To show you my way, though it's never enough.
I'll pretend nothing will ever change my mind.
Though it's easy to see there is no truth in your lies.

So let this be a reason to trust,
A reason to live, and a reason to love.
I'll change my ways, Oh I swear that I will.
Until the next time it happens, I'll run for the hills.
I'll make up my mind, you'll make up your face
To grit through the horrors and try to erase.
The unloving connections of the ones we knew
Heartbroken and lost, they're just some of the few.

I'll let this letter lose all meaning
Shoot my veins with no more feeling.
Tear my skin to the bone
Call you on the telephone
Will there ever be release.
Lose my mind, all alone
In the confines of my home
Where I'll spend the rest of days.
In the dark, where my eyes spark
With the reminsence of your ways.
Left out in the cold
With a chill to my bone
Will it always be this way?
Will it always be this way?

Yes, poop.
Not bad, but the whole thing felt kinda meh to me. I didn't listen to the melody since I'm on my phone, but I might listen to it later and maybe that will help out. I did like in the thrid section the lines "I'll make up my mind, you'll make up your face/ to grit through the horrors and try to erase". For some reason it just sounded really good to it and just those 2 likes seemed like they had a lot of the story in it, but idk.

So if you could could you look at my piece please?

There is a saying in poetry, "show me, don't tell me." here you are announcing everything, like an announcer to a sporting event. "Dave has the ball. Dave passes the ball. Dave picks his ass."


XD epic win
It was a well written song, although it doesn't necessarily stand out when lined up with a bunch of other well-written songs. The talent is there for sure though. Also
Quote by JakePlaysGuitar
I like it, it reminds me of something neil young would do, keep it up mate!


For the C4C, anything in my sig is fair game, although I'd prefer a comment on "A Day in Our Circus".
I'm just like the Jonas Brothers,

I'm no longer relevant and write mediocre music.

Last edited by CPDmusic at May 7, 2011,