#1
Hey guys ! I wrote some lyrics about two weeks ago, and noticed that they fit perfectly with instrumentals I wrote almost a year ago. This is what happened when I put them together.

I've never tried to write a vocal part before. Actually, I have absolutely no knowledge of how to write or read music for vocals, so I dont expect that part to be perfect.. I'd love advice to make it better though!

Thanks for checking it out

C4C!

Edit: I always forget to upload >.< Well here it is anyway lol. Oh, and btw, in bar 52 on the solo guitar, that sounds a LOT better when actually played..
Attachments:
Out of My Heart.gp5
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Here have a waffle!
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Last edited by deathbycontrol at May 8, 2011,
#4
Acoustic intro was a great start, very lovely sounding. For the verse, the phrasing of the vocals sound weird to me. I would have a quarter note rest at the beginning or something, a little pause before they come in. Bar 12 just sounds off too, I wouldnt use triplets when the guitar is using regular eighths. If you dont mind, I tried rephrasing them a bit.

The second verse sounded pretty awesome with those chords, and the drums and bass part was unexpected but came in very smoothly. However, the vocals, again, phrasing is your issue here. With the guitars in triplets, id have the vocals in triplets here. I tried changing up the phrasing here too, Ill post my version of some edits to the vocal lines.

Bar 40 sounds like a Chorus section to me, it gets a little heavier now, but still, I repeat that whole triplet thing. I think thats where the problem is here. Ill try to change these vocal parts to fit. Try to sing along and if it sounds awkward, then you know the phrasing is a bit off. I liked the guitar solo, the distortion over the acoustic/drums had a great feel to it.

Bars 56-70 were pretty enjoyable too, I love mood created, although it is a really dark/sad mood that Im getting from it haha. The re-intro seems to work, and good move, because I haven t heard it in a while. The outro was good, seemed to have a really strong mood, so good job for that, it sounds weird, but not in a bad way, I liked it.

Overall, good job, very very interesting, the vocals are what you need some help with. With my C4C, you can look at the way I write my vocals if you want, it may help you, it may not. Anyways, my C4C is right here , Id love for you to listen to it. Also, Ill post up a version of my tiny edits made.
Attachments:
Out of My Heart EDIT.gp5
#5
Thanks I like your version a lot better. I should probably look more into writing vocals before I try again lol.

I'd check out your C4C, but the link just pulls up this page in a new window :/
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Here have a waffle!
(>^_^)>#