#1
If you'd like to crit this, I will crit you back, you'll just have to wait a bit because my laptop is broken at the moment. I will be at school soon enough though so I will be able to follow through eventually

I exist,(I'm quite certain of this,
I think therefore I am and all that jazz)
and so do you(Barring some sort of
metaphorical prison where only I exist
and you're just a manifestation of my
self doubt, or my subconscious or something,
but there's no way I'm falling for that one again...)
so let's just get on with things
like neither of us exist.
Last edited by wizards? at May 9, 2011,
#3
I don't understand anything you just said. On the other hand, one night stands with freshman are ****in great.
#4
if those were lyrics, the first line was good, the rest lacked flow and seemed to ramble into confusion. A song on philosophy, even if a parody or comedy needs to use alot more cohesive language. Good idea and subject matter, just no logical flow of ideas and use of brackets really didn't help.
#5
I would have liked to see this fleshed out a bit... The dialogue style and theme of the piece was cool, but not really enough to justify the length. I feel like the last two lines will have more impact if you take the time to really explore the style here and set it up a little more carefully.

Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."


#6
I like the idea of writing about a one night stand with a philosophy major in a philosophical tone (calling into question the existence of either party was a nice idea), but if this is a lyric...
It lacked any real rhythm, rhyme or meter, and I'm not a fan of free-verse in lyric.
#7
**** that. This was exquisite.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#8
I'd just like to clarify a few things about this:

1. This is a poem, not lyrics. I didn't specify that, but just about everything I've ever posted in here is not lyrics to a song.
2. Any parenthetical text is a thought from the speaker, me, the narrator, however you want to interpret it. Since my thought process rambles, I felt that this needed to ramble as well.
3. I wrote this after being awake for 36 straight hours, so it's a bit blocky. I'm going to make a few changes.
#10
This would have been great had it exemplified more than a basic, or even a correct understanding of the philisophical ideals you present.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#12
Fantastic. I actually got a hearty lol out of it.
LOVE ANTHONY GREEN?
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#13
Quote by wizards?
That was the point



Right on. In that case, wonderful job!
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#14
This thread doesn't exists.
Quote by Våd Hamster
Fuck yes you are the best poster ever

do you wanna hear a little piano composition I have just made?, I promise it don't totally sucks, you can hear it on my profile, any feedback would be really appreciated -C4C