#1
Oh Mademoiselle,
If you could help
Me Understand
What I'm going through,
You could tell me all the little things I'm missing.

Like how the sun
Has begun
To bring it's sunshine and it's fun
Into my life,
And everything I witness.

Why do I see
That which is green
is glorious emerald?
Is it just me?
Or does this happen to everyone I know?

Chorus:
Will it last forever?
Or will my sunshine fade to black?
If I ever lose you,
Would you be coming back?

All that I know,
Is this ring I hold
Will symbolise the fact,
That I'll grow into the person
I was made to be.

And nothing stops
This ticking clock
From being more
Than a timepiece
With its last tick
Going unnoticed.

Chorus x2.

Hope you like it; I penned it a while ago. I love songwriting, but for some reason never think I'm that special at it. Anyway, let me know what you think if you wouldn't mind, criticism will be much appreciated. I would be more than happy to provide feedback on something of yours too.

Thanks in advance, guys,

Rob.
#2
I like the weirdness of the first line and the imagery of the last lines. The middle of the song is fine too, if unexceptional. The first line is worth the price of admission alone.
#3
So you're saying I should work on the middle part of the song, trying to create more atmosphere? I guess that makes sense, thanks for the insight.