#1
A song I wrote a few days ago, let me know what you think, cheers.

Little bluebird, reach the sky
spread your wings, yes spread them wide
then fly and fly and fly
then forget about it

Let the fox dig his hole
digging through the impossible
he digs and digs and digs
then forgets about it

why cant we all be modest?
forgetting all the things we've done

Then the man who sits and waits
takes his time until he's great
he thinks and thinks and thinks
then forgets about it

then again he tries his best
puts himself up to the test
he tries and tries and tries
then forgets about it

why cant we all be modest?
forgetting all the things we've done

trying to put up with you
defeats me
it beats me
Figuring out what you're trying to prove
defeats me
it beats me

When the time has come at last
grab it now yes grab it fast
you take and take and take
then you think about it

being great just aint your goal
better just to save your soul
you sit and think and laugh
then forget about it

why cant we all be modest?
forgetting all the things we own

trying to put up with you
defeats me
it beats me
Figuring out what you're trying to prove
defeats me
it beats me
when irish eyes are smiling, you've had to too much to drink cus eyes dont smile, mouths do
Last edited by skatooter at May 11, 2011,
#2
Very good work here. Your rhyme scheme is great, and I love your consistancy with it. and the repetition of both "and forgets about it" and "defeats me/it beats me" really strongly conveys the true meaning of the song. Very deep lyrics and a great poem. The only thing I think negatively is the word "ain't" kind of sounds awkward where it is, at least in my opinion, but you have a great flow with this and I would not really mess with that too much. All in all, I like it a lot. Keep up the good work.
#3
cheers for the crit, yeah I know what you mean about the aint, I almost forced it in there, it shall be removed immediately lol
when irish eyes are smiling, you've had to too much to drink cus eyes dont smile, mouths do