A few things you might want to change: Try palm muting intro, it builds the tension better. Try and get a better tone, this ones a little muddled/fuzzy. I'm not sure if you were trying to do pinch harmonics or what exactly they were supposed to be but the high notes at the end of the riffs sounded bad, if those were supposed to be pinch harmonics, work on those. The biggest things really though are needing to utilize palm muting to make the parts that are supposed to be defined sound defined, and getting a better tone, which palm muting can help a bit in. Just keep practicing.