Poll: Vote
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Shyness is almost always a negative trait, if not always
68 24%
Shyness can be negative and harmful to some, but to others the opposite
111 39%
It's neutral. Neither good, nor bad
86 30%
Shyness is a good trait
14 5%
Other
4 1%
Voters: 283.
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#1
All in the title.

I personally think some people can be shy and not have it affect them negatively, but generally, shyness is a trait that helps people very little and probably does more harm than good.
#2
Everyone is shy about something, depends on how they use it.
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#3
My Ex is a very naturally shy person, and it actually has affected her ability to get out and do things. She is, although, the only person I know.
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#4
I think shyness is a natural protection against all the bullshit people try to do to you, so I think it actually does more good than harm, keeps people away from all the evil of the world. And when someone actually cares enough to get past your shyness is when things really happen for the better.

So no, it's not a negative trait, but not a very valued trait.
#5
Depends. People who sit in a corner with their head down and never talk are negative. People consider me shy cause I don't talk to people unless they speak to me first, I don't think that I'd negative
#6
I'm shy on a stupid level. I feel like being shy screws me over on every interview I've been on. I just choke up around people, especially one I don't know. I'm god awful at communicating in person, and I feel like I won't get very far because of it.

So yes, I think it's a negative trait.
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#7
^ I agree with you on those points.

I'm extremely shy so I guess in a way it can be a bad trait. I hardly leave my house but I guess it's more of a paranoia thing I have about being around people.
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#8
I consider it negative. I used to be really shy, and in the last few years I have become much less shy than I was, and I know that has significantly improved my life.
#9
Definitely a negative trait. I forget where I heard it, but most people tend to avoid/dislike shy people because at a subconscious level it brings out their own insecurities.

I was lucky enough to have a solid group of friends through high school, but I was the quiet kid that just slept in class. I hated the fact that I've been shy all throughout my life, so I've made an effort to be more sociable the last couple years. Still have room to improve of course, but I can approach strangers and ladies with not too much anxiety (unless they're dimes, then it shows... )

Just remember that you can improve anything you want about yourself if you really set your mind to it. ANYTHING. Just set some small goals, maybe approach 5 strangers and have some casual talk about anything important/nonimportant, and work your way until you don't have to force yourself to do it.

Also don't overthink things. That was my main problem, but I've worked on it and its improved my social life tremendously. Then again I am inside on a Saturday night because everyone's partying and I'm trying to cut back on drinking... That's the next step for me, improving sober social skills...
Last edited by Fat Lard at May 14, 2011,
#10
Quote by ethan_hanus
I think shyness is a natural protection against all the bullshit people try to do to you, so I think it actually does more good than harm, keeps people away from all the evil of the world. And when someone actually cares enough to get past your shyness is when things really happen for the better.

So no, it's not a negative trait, but not a very valued trait.

I agree with this mostly.

I'm pretty shy so the people I actually open up to are people I safely do so with. But it does hold me back a lot. Depends on how you look at it.
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#11
i think shyness is kind of negative by definition. the non-negative form of shyness is called being reserved, that doesn't have to be bad at all.
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#12
Career wise it can be detrimental, especially if you are doing anything business oriented in today's state of conduct.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#13
id say shyness isnt a negative trait but it does make social situations difficult, which can be negative i suppose.

thankgod for alcohol tho.
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#14
I think being Shy and being careful around people are not identical things. I'm normally boastful and hyper in social gatherings in order to break some ice, but It's not like I trust/give a damn any of the people I don't know there. I think shyness is a negative attitude; Respecting other's personal space isn't.
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#15
I'm pretty shy, and don't have much trouble with it. There's a difference in being shy and being antisocial. I also like girls that are relatively shy.
#16
Quote by Erik_Aero
I'm pretty shy, and don't have much trouble with it. There's a difference in being shy and being antisocial. I also like girls that are relatively shy.

I think you mean reserved, being antisocial is a completely different thing.
#17
I'm extremly shy but I've been recently getting into the habit of saying to myself "Do whatever you need to do now or regret it for a long time" and it does help... but it's hard to do that in real life sometimes. I know that shyness will just keep you where you are but it does help to not rush into things all the time and run the risk of doing something stupid or being with the wrong people. So I'm sort of on each end of the scale here.
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#18
Quote by Dash49
I'm extremly shy but I've been recently getting into the habit of saying to myself "Do whatever you need to do now or regret it for a long time" and it does help... but it's hard to do that in real life sometimes. I know that shyness will just keep you where you are but it does help to not rush into things all the time and run the risk of doing something stupid or being with the wrong people. So I'm sort of on each end of the scale here.


This is what got me out of my "shyness rut" . I'm still kinda shy, but still much improved from where I was once at.
#19
Quote by AnoKid09
I'm shy on a stupid level. I feel like being shy screws me over on every interview I've been on. I just choke up around people, especially one I don't know. I'm god awful at communicating in person, and I feel like I won't get very far because of it.

So yes, I think it's a negative trait.


This, completely. I find it debilitating and incredibly frustrating.
#20
It really depends for me. Sometimes I'll be in a really confident mindframe, and my witty humor will just flow out, and really charm people, which I really love. However, other times, I'll feel like shit, and keep questioning and overthinking everything, which leads to me not wanting to talk to anyone and as a result, will usually end up with me just going home without notice (which oddly feels better than announcing that I'm going. I just like to slip out unnoticed).

I'm really odd with my moods. Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world, and that I'm good-looking and full of wit, and other times, I'll just feel withdrawn and not even wanting to communicate with anyone. Usually if I have other 'sociable' friends around, I'll feel withdrawn and not willing to bother because in my mind, 'they're the life of the conversation'. Normally if I'm on my own with a group of people, and I feel like I have somewhat of a higher status than them, then I'll be super-confident and charismatic. I just wish I could 'turn it on' whenever I wanted to, because it'd really help. I'm usually good at pretending to be confident, though. I wouldn't say people are too fooled, however. I think most of them just see me as 'weird'.
#21
Quote by 'Leviathan'
It really depends for me. Sometimes I'll be in a really confident mindframe, and my witty humor will just flow out, and really charm people, which I really love. However, other times, I'll feel like shit, and keep questioning and overthinking everything, which leads to me not wanting to talk to anyone and as a result, will usually end up with me just going home without notice (which oddly feels better than announcing that I'm going. I just like to slip out unnoticed).

I'm really odd with my moods. Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world, and that I'm good-looking and full of wit, and other times, I'll just feel withdrawn and not even wanting to communicate with anyone. Usually if I have other 'sociable' friends around, I'll feel withdrawn and not willing to bother because in my mind, 'they're the life of the conversation'. Normally if I'm on my own with a group of people, and I feel like I have somewhat of a higher status than them, then I'll be super-confident and charismatic. I just wish I could 'turn it on' whenever I wanted to, because it'd really help. I'm usually good at pretending to be confident, though. I wouldn't say people are too fooled, however. I think most of them just see me as 'weird'.


/cue golfclap. That is exactly what happens to me.
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#23
I agree with leviathan.

I was once hella shy, and it used to affect me negatively. But i've learned when is a good time to speak out and when isn't. I'm not shy anymore, i'm just quiet. Shyness is seen as a sort of fear of being extroverted. I'm not afraid of trying to be extroverted, i've simply accepted my introversion, while also realizing that I can talk without being an extrovert. Know when to be extroverted and when to be introverted.

Find a balance, I say.
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#24
Usually when a male is shy it shows a lack of confidence, and is therefore negative. But, when a girl is shy, it can mean a number of things, and isn't as negative in contrast.

EDIT: And I think leviathan is my twin...
Last edited by Somekid94 at May 14, 2011,
#25
I think it is important to distinguish between shyness and introversion. Some people are simply quiet because they don't derive the same pleasure from conventional small talk that extroverts do; that's completely fine and they will speak up when necessary. People who are shy withdraw from socializing even though they might want to participate in idol chit chat because they lack confidence in their social skills; this is an antisocial trait which causes them and others distress.
#26
Quote by Godsmack_IV
I think it is important to distinguish between shyness and introversion. Some people are simply quiet because they don't derive the same pleasure from conventional small talk that extroverts do; that's completely fine and they will speak up when necessary. People who are shy withdraw from socializing even though they might want to participate in idol chit chat because they lack confidence in their social skills; this is an antisocial trait which causes them and others distress.

Well said.

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#27
It sure as hell isn't a trait seen on leaders.

Shyness comes from a lack of confidence, at least from the shy people I've seen. They fear leaving their comfort zone and if everyone was shy, no one would end up socializing as everyone would keep to themselves.

I myself am an introverted individual, but I have absolutely no issue being social with others or putting myself in a situation where I'd make a fool of myself. I prefer being a lone wolf kind of guy, but when things need to get done, I can step up. My confidence/ego is huge and I have no problem admitting it. Never had a problem breaking the ice or being the first guy to pull a girl out to the dance floor, so I really hate it when someone confuses my introverted-ness for shyness.


To answer your question, yes. Shyness, and all of its forms, is hindering and therefore is a negative trait IMHO
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#28
Quote by bradulator
I agree with leviathan.

I was once hella shy, and it used to affect me negatively. But i've learned when is a good time to speak out and when isn't. I'm not shy anymore, i'm just quiet. Shyness is seen as a sort of fear of being extroverted. I'm not afraid of trying to be extroverted, i've simply accepted my introversion, while also realizing that I can talk without being an extrovert. Know when to be extroverted and when to be introverted.

Find a balance, I say.


Agreed 100%. I'm not 'shy' anymore, as I used to be, I'm introverted. It's not that I can't talk to people, it's that most of the time, I don't want to. When I do want to talk, I consider myself very likable and charming. When I don't want to talk, I try not to give myself an opportunity to embarrass myself or the person I'm speaking with.

Finding a balance is a good thing.
#29
im shy and i hate like i just kind of become quite around people but not everyone there some people i feel find around idk id rather not be shy at all
#30
Being shy, but trying to overcome it is not a negative trait.....

Being shy, and being obnoxious about it ("Im really shy, so I never want to talk to people...EVER")....is a negative trait (probably not the best example, but shmeh)
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#31
It can make social interaction a little awkward but I'd rather be around people who are on the timid side rather than who are loud, brash and in your face 24/7.
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#32
I think there's a bit of a distinction between shyness and social incompetency. A person can be shy but not socially inept.
Quote by 'Leviathan'
It really depends for me. Sometimes I'll be in a really confident mindframe, and my witty humor will just flow out, and really charm people, which I really love. However, other times, I'll feel like shit, and keep questioning and overthinking everything, which leads to me not wanting to talk to anyone and as a result, will usually end up with me just going home without notice (which oddly feels better than announcing that I'm going. I just like to slip out unnoticed).

I'm really odd with my moods. Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world, and that I'm good-looking and full of wit, and other times, I'll just feel withdrawn and not even wanting to communicate with anyone. Usually if I have other 'sociable' friends around, I'll feel withdrawn and not willing to bother because in my mind, 'they're the life of the conversation'. Normally if I'm on my own with a group of people, and I feel like I have somewhat of a higher status than them, then I'll be super-confident and charismatic. I just wish I could 'turn it on' whenever I wanted to, because it'd really help. I'm usually good at pretending to be confident, though. I wouldn't say people are too fooled, however. I think most of them just see me as 'weird'.

That's not being shy, that's just being a regular person. Also, I disagree with whatever you said.
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#33
I used to be extremely shy and am still quite withdrawn. In my experience I have rarely found it to be a good thing.
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#34
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That's not being shy, that's just being a regular person. Also, I disagree with whatever you said.


Believe me, I used to be shy as all fuck when I was younger. I wouldn't class myself as 'shy' nowadays, I'd lean more towards 'can't be fucked dealing with people half the time'. Like I said in my second post; it isn't that I find it difficult to talk to people, it's that half the time, I just don't want to.

Also, I disagree with everything you said.
#35
I voted neutrality.

It seems those who fall into the 'shy' category complain about being such. I'm not exactly shy myself so I can't identify, but I am reserved in some regards. When I think of someone who is 'shy' I picture an awkward chap who keeps to himself out of social ineptness... my definition of 'shy' might be a bit off but that certainly doesn't sound like a positive trait to me. Though labeling it a negative trait seems harsh. Personally, when I think of negative traits; rudeness, obnoxiousness, arrogance, unreliability, and dishonesty all come to mind... certainly not shyness though.
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#36
I think shyness can be negative and prevents me from doing some stuff, but there a point between being shy and having social anxiety and im pretty sure i enter the anxiety area more than being shy.

I dont mean to jack the thread but how does being shy affect you guys when performing/gigging etc..?
Last edited by smokeysteve22 at May 15, 2011,
#37
EDIT:^^ at above, it doesn't. I'm one of the people in my band that jumps around the most.


I'm very shy, although it can be annoying, I wouldn't call it a negative trait. Just something that's there.


Last edited by Gerard_xD at May 15, 2011,
#38
Quote by Kankuro
I voted neutrality.

It seems those who fall into the 'shy' category complain about being such. I'm not exactly shy myself so I can't identify, but I am reserved in some regards. When I think of someone who is 'shy' I picture an awkward chap who keeps to himself out of social ineptness... my definition of 'shy' might be a bit off but that certainly doesn't sound like a positive trait to me. Though labeling it a negative trait seems harsh. Personally, when I think of negative traits; rudeness, obnoxiousness, arrogance, unreliability, and dishonesty all come to mind... certainly not shyness though.


I'm sure if you actually were shy you would think it were a negative trait. I don't believe that you can't see loads of negatives of being shy.
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#39
Depends on the degree of shyness.

Me, I can go out with people round town and meet new people. I'm not the first to talk and I don't go up to new people and introduce myself but I still make friends.
Now if it comes to women I like, then it takes me an age to build up the confidence to tell them though I guess 90% of the people on here are like that.

I don't see that as a problem.
It becomes problematic when it's less being shy and more being scared. Then I'd say you're verging on social anxiety or maybe even agoraphobia.
#40
I voted neutral, and I'm kind of with Leviathan.


If I'm in the right mood and in the right atmosphere, I have no problem contributing to conversations and such, or communicating with people, and I can be really charming. But the flip side of that coin is if I'm the slightest bit depressed or annoyed or uncomfortable, I'm likely to not say anything and keep to myself. And I'm weird about strangers too, if it's a random bunch of people on the street I feel fine walking up and joining the conversation and providing a couple of laughs before I walk away, but if it's a group of people I'm going to be chilling with for a bit, I'm much more uncomfortable and feel like I can't think of anything to say because I don't know them, which is silly, I know, but that's how it is. I go back and forth between introvert and extrovert, but like Leviathan said I'd really like to be able to control it, as I feel first impressions are important, and I feel like I come off as weird/creepy sometimes.
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