#1
A solo voice was singing
quite a pretty little song
Another voice who knew the tune
joined in and sang along
The duet sang in unison
their voices side by side
One bass voice one soprano
on the same melodic ride

Another singer joined them
Counter pointed to their sound
As this voice descended theirs would climb
and the other way around
The tune got woven, twisted, plaited
in a tapestry to hear
Building to a pretty picture
that grabbed people by the ear

Now each singer had to listen
To the other singers parts
To stay in time and stay in tune
With all their fellow singers hearts
They had to work with common purpose
If they all would get along
and welcome other different voices
To build the richest fullest song

All the voices, joined together
had the audience entranced
Folk were swaying to the rhythm
while some other people danced
And they sang about community
but with a common ground
where each one had a part to play
so that harmony was found.


Paul
#2
Nice. Not much to crit on just a few things:

1. "quite a pretty little song": Could have much better words for quite, pretty and little. And since their not interfering with the rhyme scheme they would be easy to change and not affect the rest

2. "Building to a pretty picture": Used pretty again, and I personally would change that. I would say something to describe a nice sound (Soothing, melodic... something like that) with picture and that would work pretty well.. or... i mean.. that would work excellent :P

3. "Folk were swaying to the rhythm": Folk? May have been a typo, but if not i believe the plural form would be folks.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1443329
#3
Quote by kamjam7
Nice. Not much to crit on just a few things:

1. "quite a pretty little song": Could have much better words for quite, pretty and little. And since their not interfering with the rhyme scheme they would be easy to change and not affect the rest

2. "Building to a pretty picture": Used pretty again, and I personally would change that. I would say something to describe a nice sound (Soothing, melodic... something like that) with picture and that would work pretty well.. or... i mean.. that would work excellent :P

3. "Folk were swaying to the rhythm": Folk? May have been a typo, but if not i believe the plural form would be folks.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1443329

hey kamjam, yes you are very right, on all three,thanks, no2 made me smile when you said pretty well, all I can say to no3 is folks is dumb where I comes frum, but number 1- you used "their" and that should be "they're", ha ha guess that was poetic licence...., what I find is that I write mostly rhyming metered poetry, and then try and fit it into music and it doesn't leave room for any bits to be dra-a-aged out, its stuck in its meter by the whole rhythm of reciting it, and I guess in a poem that doesn't matter, but it does in lyrics, thanks heaps for the kind critique,keep doing it it helps best regards Paul