#1
It's a song some friends and I wrote for school. Every stanza except the chorus and the first stanza is rapped.

It's supposed to be sort of funny, but I want to make sure that it is "good enough" and wanted other lyricists opinions. Crits are very appreciated!! Thanks!!

EDIT: I should probably make it clear, the video is supposed to be funny. I know the song isn't necessarily funny. Also we needed three "facts" about the universe. Stanza one, Universe being a singularity, and Theory of relativity/e=mc2 and how the universe is constantly expanding.
And actual suggestions/tips would be nice. Not outright saying it's bad. This came off as ranting, but someone wasn't being helpful at all.


At the very start of it all,
we were a singularity,
no dimensions or any mass,
just infinite potential energy


scientists work with the best of their ability
Einstein came up with the theory of relativity
sure it seems like an abnormality or absurdity
but it may just happen to be an actuality
believe it or not what you hear is true
e=mc2 may not make sense to you
but to be fair it doesn't to me too
and some may even say, Einstein who?


The big bang (Big Bang)
it was a historical event (Big Bang)
and creation seemed to be it's intent
The Big Bang (Big Bang)
what caused it we'll never know for sure
it's truth seems to stay obscure
(Big Bang)


in the hypothetical end of everything
dark energy'll make the universe expand rapidly
tear apart our own planets and galaxy
and before you know it all matter will be gone
you better believe


The big bang (Big Bang)
it was a historical event (Big Bang)
and creation seemed to be it's intent
The Big Bang (Big Bang)
what caused it we'll never know for sure
it's truth seems to stay obscure
(Big Bang)

The universe is constantly expanding
expand into where you say? answers nothing
it may blow your mind, it's downright appalling
but if you figure it out, the feelings rewarding

The big bang (Big Bang)
it was a historical event (Big Bang)
and creation seemed to be it's intent
The Big Bang (Big Bang)
what caused it we'll never know for sure
it's truth seems to stay obscure
(Big Bang)
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Last edited by skylerjames13 at May 17, 2011,
#2
Better than my science project...

The second verse sounded crowded to me, and the third verse was a little short, but great song nonetheless.

EDIT: It wasn't amazingly funny either...
Last edited by yoman297 at May 17, 2011,
#3
Only striving for "good enough" is probably the reason why you wound up with something that was bad. Reminded me of Miracles by ICP. Although that's hilarious, and this....not so much.
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#4
Quote by yoman297
Better than my science project...

The second verse sounded crowded to me, and the third verse was a little short, but great song nonetheless.

EDIT: It wasn't amazingly funny either...

It's the video that's supposed to be funny, really.

Quote by Svetlova
Only striving for "good enough" is probably the reason why you wound up with something that was bad. Reminded me of Miracles by ICP. Although that's hilarious, and this....not so much.

It isn't bad. It's somewhat mediocre. And I know this isn't hilarious, it's the video that's supposed to be funny.
Quote by DonGlover

You look like a young Eugene Levy, but with a moustache.

Quote by slapsymcdougal
Quote by Dreadnought
Kicking a man when he's down, I'm proud of you

When they're down is the safest time.

Soundcloud
Sharks Stanley Cup 15-16
Sharks Stanley Cup 16-17,,,,?