#1
you can't get to heaven yet-
and God is not a hand;
in the dim lights of dawn bedrooms
building models of the human heart
wondering if defiance is all that keeps the blooms apart.
there are lessons to be learned
fey brightness for mornings to be yearned
'cross the breakfast table
content to let the quietness burn
to break the silence of our trust
condemn common English
attempting to modernize our love
but at last you ask without thought
'you didn't come to bed last night?'
only find beauty in you and two
solitary petals of the bud
only watching them come apart.
God does not dine with us
we are only still-beating models of the human heart.
#2
I would use the word "drawn" instead of "dawn..." I just don't really like that word there. I'm not in love with the flow of this piece. However, I the last two lines.

I do NOT like the "common English attempting to modernize our love" bit. It seems pretty cliched and could be phrased better.

Overall, a good piece
#3
This is absolutely beautiful. I'll crit it more, one I've got some more time but this definitely needs more attention.
art tumblr

If I'm not raw, I'm just a bit underdone.
#5
holy balls.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#6
Dont quite understand it...then again, i almost never understand straight poetry...but the transition from God and the human heart to the interaction with another person, back to God and the human heart confused me...they didn't seem to fit

i could be wrong haha