#1
My head pounds when I think of you
All the stupid games you put me through
Will it feel the same when I am gone
When no-one else will play your song

You're chasing dreams
Because reality isn't good enough
To rip the seams
Of the fabric of your fantasy
And though I'd give it all up
Just to do it again
You keep tearing me down
So that you can pretend
That every little thing that you ever dreamed
Will come true for you


I'm still working on the rest, let me know what pieces you want me to read!
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no, this is the first time i've ever rubbed another man's nipple in a jacuzzi

it was horrible
#2
Quote by Killdispair
My head pounds when I think of you
All the stupid games you put me through
Will it feel the same when I am gone
When no-one else will play your song

You're chasing dreams
Because reality isn't good enough
To rip the seams
Of the fabric of your fantasy
And though I'd give it all up
Just to do it again
You keep tearing me down
So that you can pretend
That every little thing that you ever dreamed
Will come true for you


I'm still working on the rest, let me know what pieces you want me to read!


It's simple. It works. Keep that in mind.

The problem with songs like these when critiquing them is to keep the simplicity in perspective because often times it's easy to try to recommend adding more artistic elements in when it doesn't fit.

So the only problems I saw were some cliches that you used like "stupid things you put me through", "give it all up to do it again", and "keep tearing me down." There not as bad as some cliches can be, but I think there are far better ways to articulate your point without sacrificing the simplicity of the songs.

"rip the seams of your fabric of fantasy" is a fantastic line. Use more metaphors like that to get your point out.

All in all, the meaning in the song is strong and your delivery -- for the most part -- is strong. I liked it.

----
Care to look at one of my more simpler pieces? I have a shoddy lofi recording of it up too on the page.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1443929
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