#1
Here's a completed song I'vve recently done.
Recomended to listen with RSE, aand of course, will C4C on anyone who does the honours.

Not much to say about this one, it's fairly self explanitory I think, would love to hear all your comments about it though.

Cheers!
Attachments:
Idea 1.gp4
Idea 1.gp5
Idea 1.mid
Last edited by Puppet_616 at May 22, 2011,
#2
This song is a little plain and boring, but then again mainstream rock concentrates on vocals more. I'm not the best person to judge rock songs but this song seems a little cliche and repetitive.
I like the intro and how you used rests on bar 3. Verse 1 and 3 I didnt like as much. The chorus was a little obscure, you used 3 bar riffs instead of 4 bar riffs and it didnt flow well. I loved the re-intro and verse 2. I think you should consider taking away some of those repeat signs so you can add hooks to the end of sections or change the drumline a little to add progression.
At the breakdown (bars 29-32) I think you should palm mute the guitar and use closed hihats instead of open ones and the rest of the breakdown is good how it is except get rid of those repeat signs and make the drums heavier the second time that one riff is played.

also the song is too short (about 2:45 if you do the math) so it needs a solo

overall this song is average

so instead of explaining the rest of the little details I modified the song to my liking
Attachments:
Idea 1[1] not mine.gp5
#3
could you export your mods as a GP4 file please, for some reason my copy of GP5 won't play other GP5 files... =S
#5
Yeah, I agree a lot with what Mr. Ashworth there said. First of all, it sounds really really thin throughout. I'd suggest double tracking it, as in adding another guitar track. Even if they are playing the same thing. Having the guitar and bass panned to opposite wasn't the best idea haha :p. Pan each guitar track to each side, and put the bass towards the middle and that'll help some. The intro was thin because of the drums I think, try some varying rhythms and stuff, throw in some more bass hits or snare hits. The Verse got boring because it went on for too long, I would change the fourth bar of it to make it different. Ill try to show you what I mean by some different rhythms for the drums by attaching a file. Also, I agree with ^him^ with taking the repeats out so you can vary the drum fills at the end. The Solo (or the breakdown) was nice, I liked the use of chromatics, but still, it sounded too thin, so the guitar in the background sounds nice.

Overall, it sounds very plain at times, and Im not sure that vocals could fix that or not. But its mainly the verse and chorus, they could use some tightening up. Its a good start though, and you'll improve over time.
Attachments:
Idea 1.gp4
#6
Quote by JCAshworth247
This song is a little plain and boring, but then again mainstream rock concentrates on vocals more. I'm not the best person to judge rock songs but this song seems a little cliche and repetitive.

Point taken, I was aiming for simplicity in this song without being boring.

Quote by JCAshworth247
I like the intro and how you used rests on bar 3. Verse 1 and 3 I didnt like as much. The chorus was a little obscure, you used 3 bar riffs instead of 4 bar riffs and it didnt flow well. I loved the re-intro and verse 2. I think you should consider taking away some of those repeat signs so you can add hooks to the end of sections or change the drumline a little to add progression.

The re-intro and 2nd verse are my personal highlights of this song, I'm glad you liked them!
I take what you say about the 1st and 3rd verses though, I think if I were to change any of them it would be the 3rd, to match the 2nd.
With the chorus, everytime I listen to it, that 3-bar riff sounds stranger (what was I thinking eh?!), I may just add an extra bar to each half in there to even it slightly.

Drums are certainly my weakpoint, (I'm a bass player and don't play guitar or drums), so thanks for the suggesstions.

Quote by JCAshworth247
At the breakdown (bars 29-32) I think you should palm mute the guitar and use closed hihats instead of open ones and the rest of the breakdown is good how it is except get rid of those repeat signs and make the drums heavier the second time that one riff is played.
also the song is too short (about 2:45 if you do the math) so it needs a solo

Again thanks for the crit.
With the timing I was going for a relativley short song (something a little more "commercial" if you will) although I'm sure my RL guitarist could find somewhere to add a solo!


Quote by Mean Mr Mustard
Yeah, I agree a lot with what Mr. Ashworth there said. First of all, it sounds really really thin throughout. I'd suggest double tracking it, as in adding another guitar track. Even if they are playing the same thing. Having the guitar and bass panned to opposite wasn't the best idea haha :p. Pn each guitar track to each side, and put the bass towards the middle and that'll help some.

Haha! I did that more for writing purposes, hearing all the instruments (especially GP bass) through crappy laptop speakers is always difficult. Also IRL it would have two guitarists playing the song (as there are 2 in my band) which would thicken the sound out.

Quote by Mean Mr Mustard
The intro was thin because of the drums I think, try some varying rhythms and stuff, throw in some more bass hits or snare hits. The Verse got boring because it went on for too long, I would change the fourth bar of it to make it different. Ill try to show you what I mean by some different rhythms for the drums by attaching a file. Also, I agree with ^him^ with taking the repeats out so you can vary the drum fills at the end.

Again, as said above, with drums I'll gladly accept critism and suggesstions as I know they are probably my weakest points.
The Solo (or the breakdown) was nice, I liked the use of chromatics, but still, it sounded too thin, so the guitar in the background sounds nice.

Quote by Mean Mr Mustard
Overall, it sounds very plain at times, and Im not sure that vocals could fix that or not. But its mainly the verse and chorus, they could use some tightening up. Its a good start though, and you'll improve over time.


Overall, thankyou both very much for the crit, and taking the time to add your own variations and suggestions. If there is anything you want a c4c on just send me a PM with the link
#7
Quote by Puppet_616

Overall, thankyou both very much for the crit, and taking the time to add your own variations and suggestions. If there is anything you want a c4c on just send me a PM with the link

If you want to look at the pop punk songs linked to in my sig, you can I dont need a crit, maybe just your overall thoughts if you want to