#1
A song I wrote about a girl, who doesn't like me the same way

Verse 1- Why is this so annoying
Girl can't get you out of my head
What the color of my eyes are
And the way you look at them
Watch you stare me down until I speak
The words that never come to mind
You turn around, I take you hand
And try to make you understand

Chorus- That I'm half the world away
I got no place to stay
I got nothing to say
I'm a hallo shell inside
A sitter on the side
Without someone to love

Verse 2- I am stuck in purgatory
And I don't where to go
Why am I just sitting here
It all just goes to show
When we are together
It feels like you've fill a void
Am I just retarded or an I just over joyed

{CHORUS}

It's not finished but I was curious what other people thought
#2
I know your not finished but i have to comment...

"Why am I just sitting here
It all just goes to show
When we are together
It feels like you've fill a void"

I really like this man, it sounds really nice i can just picture it (and please other people own up, you have felt this way before) i can just picture a guy sitting next to this girl, just listening to everyword, however he can't hear her speak as much, he is just happy that she is there with him...


"Am I just retarded or an I just over joyed"

We all love Greenday, but we can't copy their lines of awesomness from 'Jesus of Suberbia'
(love the song, and i know all the lyrics...)


[Part 4, Juesus of Suberbia, Dearly Beloved]

Oh, therapy, can you please fill the void?
Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed

Nobody's perfect and I stand accused
For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse

Other cit i can give you is word your first verse carefully. You need it to flow as it's the hook into the song. Start it off not just discribing her, but the feeling that you have for her, and establish she doesn't feel the same way.

"Too bad you don't feel the same"

There is a line you can use to get you started if you wish...

Anyways! Good luck, and i will check in if you wish to see how you go!

-Kom23
Last edited by Kom23 at May 25, 2011,
#3
Yeah, When I wrote it I realized it was from Jesus Of Suburbia i am gonna change it but i dont know what lyric to use :P
#4
I'd change retarded to confused, and if it sounds the way I laid it out then it's great! (I put it to a tempo simillar to queen's under pressure.)