Poll: quality of the song so far
Poll Options
View poll results: quality of the song so far
good
0 0%
ok
0 0%
bad
4 80%
horibble
1 20%
Voters: 5.
#1
so far im calling it "in the darkness" its not finished but its the farthest ive gotten in a song so far so tell me what you people think of it. its harder rock maby a small lower noted solo but idk about the music yet.

Peering through an empty glass, into the future only seeing darkness. Sometimes I forget to breathe...
barley holding my head above water, in the cold of life, the unrelenting insanity of the earth...
Can’t stand to let it get me, but I can’t help to let it...
Why does it have to be like this. Just a bottle of un happiness all just to stay awake at night...
Can’t sleep. Can’t live. Why can’t it change... (Its gotta.)
When I turn on the tube, all I get is a big dose of crazy, people in the hood, gettin shot up, can’t take it...
9 year olds taking guns to school, big brothers out smokein a joint, they think they’re so cool...

Why does it have to be this way, why can’t we just be, why do I need to feel afraid just walkin around,
Why is everyone killin, why is everyone boozin, all to get away from it all........ cant ****ing stand it...

In the darkness I sit, all alone at night, I see the world we live in, gotta fix it.
Can’t help but try, it never works, why won’t it, the world don’t want it,
Wall Street’s makin money off war, Washington makes them happen every day...
Why can’t we be at peace, so soldiers don’t have to die, don’t have to kill...
Why does it have to be like this? Just a bottle of un happiness all just to stay awake at night...
Can’t sleep. Can’t live. Why can’t it change... (It needs to)

Why does it have to be like this, why can’t we just be, why do I need to feel afraid just walkin around,
Why is everyone killin, why is everyone boozin, all to get away from it all........ Can’t ****ing take it...

Peering into that empty glass, looking at the darkness it beholds, I cant see the future, I can not see tomarro.
Changes happen every day in almost every day in almost every way but for the better, no. that needs to change. I cant stand to see the uncertainty of a future that’s even worse then the present.
A chain of events that’s been set in motion long ago, just something else to brake just something else to fix .
Why does it have to be like this. Just a bottle of un happiness all just to stay awake at night...
Can’t sleep. Can’t live. Why can’t it change... (It needs to .)
We gotta make it change. It wont on its own it needs to change but it wont….

Why does it have to be like this, why can’t we just be, why do I need to feel afraid just walkin around,
Why is everyone killin, why is everyone boozin, all to get away from it all........ Can’t ****ing take it...
Why does it have to be like this, why can’t we just be, why do I need to feel afraid just walkin around,
Why is everyone killin, why is everyone boozin, all to get away from it all........ Can’t ****ing stand it...
Why does it have to be like this, why can’t we just be, why do I need to feel afraid just walkin around,
Why is everyone killin, why is everyone boozin, all to get away from it all........ don’t ****ing need it...
[solo]
{speak}ahh **** it it wont change were all screwed {music cuts abruptly}}]
Last edited by boattlebot at May 23, 2011,
#2
also this is my first song ever or atleast the first one i wrote form begining to end and also im not a negative person i just couldent get the song civil war by guns and roses out of my head and i just started thinking of all the messed up stuff in the world so i really hope people like it
#3
To much of the same words over and over (I don't mean 'why' and 'it', I can tell thats purposly)
It sounds more like a monolog than a song, probably more what you intended but it's too much like a monolog and not a song to me.
Alot of the words used are predictable aswell, use a thesaurus.

This is bit is more my preference than anything but. I like rhyme, hardly any of it.
When I was eleven I broke the patio window and my mother sued me... She's always been a very aggressive litigator.