#1
On the Run

Wanted man on the run, strapped with a gun
shoots fools for fun, got more pounds than pun
used to flip bricks to impress bad chicks
till the dough grew fatter, movin up the ladder

when the reifa cheifas owed him,
he crept in silent & gentle
put a .9 to their temple,
take no chances when he was holdin'

this is the story that I told em'
his competitors were foldin'
started learnin' how to hold em'
his decisions began to mold him

a couple months passed
the man got greedy
bit off more than he could chew
his boys were actin' seedy

wished he didn't, but he knew
there was a rat up in his crew
only one thing he could do
squeeze, pop & shoot

caught his boy with the loot
in a thousand dollar suit
only one thing he could do
squeeze, pop & shoot

to make matters worse
the bubble popped, burst
his main bitch was a snitch
sold him out, got filthy rich


still needs an ending...
#2
this is pretty bad.

Using words to rhyme like "knew, crew and do" together is like using "bug, jug, and rug" in rhyme schemes. It reads like a 5th grader wrote it. It also reads real choppy and I dont know where this thing is going. Do you have a hook (chorus) that goes with this or is this just a non stop story from start to finish?