#1
like a knife, no
wait,
a blade
glinting?
or rather radiant
to say the least
recently sharpened
by the stones of father's wrath
I plunged (drove?) it
it went deep, to say the least
now
where'd I put
my meaning
and
more importantly is there
a fancier word for
cocktease?

well deep it went
engulfed by the catacombs
like a snake (serpent?) devoured
by a slightly larger
snake (serpent?)
oh dear me, oh my!
still you are left to wonder
what "it" is
but perhaps it's better
that way, the mystery (puzzle?)
much more poetic
I think
I'll just go back to stroking it


(author's notes: #1 work in words- corpusculent? gaudy? cotton candy? divine? malevolent?, #2 Camus at the zoo?, #3 Larger words = teh sex)
I want Super Saiyan abilities
Last edited by rebelmidget at May 27, 2011,
#2
I adooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore this.

nothing else to say. wonderful theme and idea, great great flow, succulent rhythm.
#3
This is my favourite piece from you. You really found a balance in your writing style and this is both well-written and unique, which is an excellent combination. I loved the "work in progress/author's annotation" feel to everything with the exception of the line "why not slarger?" which felt like it was there for the sole purpose of emphasizing that theme and didn't really sound all that good in context. Other than that I've no complaints though, I like the subtleties and not-so-subtleties of the message here and this was a pleasure to read.

Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."


#4
Man, I have nothing to critique here. This is one of the best pieces I've read since joining the site. The title got me first, so I thought I'd have a glance, then on the first read I sort of got it, and as I read it over again it all clicked into place.

Very very, well done, O' esteemed writer.
#5
Written well, but I suppose I wish it was a little less obvious. Still, fairly humorous and witty.
The one line that doesn't seem to fit "recently sharpened by the stones of father's wrath" leaves me wondering that maybe I'm not quite getting it.

Crit?
The Sound of White
art tumblr

If I'm not raw, I'm just a bit underdone.
Last edited by Svetlova at May 27, 2011,