#1
"For Any Man"

A Gal once asked
Whats your favorite color
I Told her blue
For the sea and the sky
and her baby blue eyes

Then i asked her
and she told me green
solely for the sheen
our money shines

And i wanted to love her
though my heart couldn't fathom that line

It seems money's the key
to most of our problems
but can't unlock any of mine

money cant buy the sunrise
or the way she melts my inside
with those soft sad eyes
or that glimmer of light on your olive thighs
as you leave, leave me to cry.

Sorry its just kinda strung together no chorus yet(i was thinking of using that last 5 lines as a chorus just haven't implemented it within the rest of the song). And if you help me/ give me some input i'll do my best to take a look at what you've got.
#2
I like the last 5 lines but i think your gonna need to rework the other stuff and maybe put it as like a flowing smooth acoustic rhythm. Good concept though.
#3
*put it over a flowing acoustic rhythm* sorry my head was in another place while autonomously typing.
#4
haha i know how that is.. thanks for the input man appreciate it. Just kinda flung this together in 15 minutes or so its my first attempt at putting something longer together
#5
holy crap i actually like this the 2nd stanza/verse bit is rather inspired well done i usually scoff at most of the stuff on here but nice one
#6
Stonesatreyu.... What do you mean you "scoff"?
Theres a lot of good writers on here, and the stuff you write is nothing special.
I don't know why but that comment has rubbed me up the wrong way..
I know my stuff sucks but don't generalize most peoples work as being poor just so you can give someone your sh*tty little praise, people put time and effort into their work so I "scoff" at you for failing to comprehend the most of it!

Good day, asshole.
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
#7
hey dude it wasn't necessarily an attack on you, and scoff means scoff, and have you now noticed the flood of bollox that generally lives here?? i'm sure you have anyway
i've had enough of
NEUROTIC people good day sir
#8
calm down friends i was embarrassed and its hard as hell to put what you really put your thought/heart/soul into for others to openly judge.. that's why i haven't done it till now.. but thank you atreyu
#9
Last 5 lines are stellar mate, as well as the little couplet that could act as a good chorus line. The other parts could be reworked a bit more, I like your imagery in these 2 parts, but I appreciate where you're trying to go with the symbolic style prominent throughout the rest of the piece.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.