#1
We only catch what doesn't fall,
And even then we drop it.
When our broken hearts crash borrowed cars,
We're powerless to stop it

But oh, I'll wear you down
And oh, you'll come around
You know if you say the word
Then, baby, I'm yours
I keep my heart on my sleeve
And my foot in the door.

You've drawn a firm line in the sand,
But still, I want to cross it.
When I ask you where you keep your heart,
You only say, "I lost it."

But oh, I'll wear you down,
And oh, you'll come around
You know if you say the word
Then, baby, I'm yours
I keep my heart on my sleeve
And my foot in the door

And on nights like this the streetlamps
Seem a whole lot like the spotlights
On the stage where we first met
And fell in love
But when I see them from a distance,
They remind me of the stars
On the night you said goodbye
And stepped out of my car
Right into my dreams.

But oh, I'll wear you down
And oh, you'll come around
You know if you say the word
Then, baby, I'm yours
I keep my heart on my sleeve
And my foot in the door

Oh, I'll wear you down
Oh, you'll come around
Oh, I'll wear you down
Oh, it's just water under bridges now.
#2
Not sure how long you've been writing or anything, but I really liked this, both what it's about and how you managed to avoid having a simple rhyme scheme come across as cheesy.

Honestly I was surprised, but the rhymes really just drive it forward and the phrasing and word choices make it fresh and interesting. There's a couple spots where the rhythm or wording feels a little off (the end of the chorus, the last line of the song), but all in all I really like all of it.

I've been wanting to make a song with this title or theme for a long time, how dare you steal it!

Really, though, this is good. I'll watch for more from you
#3
Wow, an actual song on the songwriting boards

Very smooth. a few broken iambs, but no matter, voices change those things. I like the streetlamps, but I'm kind of a sucker for those anyway. It's catchy and it sounds good - I can hear an upbeat acoustic to it - similar to that newer bonnie and clyde song I keep hearing everywhere. And that's a good thing. I like that song, And this one, too. It's solid, except for the 'dreams' coming in a little awkward - there's no precedent for rhyme or, more importantly, sound for it, and the tongue has to make a special move to make it through. My only complaint.
#4
Quote by spike_8bkp
It's solid, except for the 'dreams' coming in a little awkward - there's no precedent for rhyme or, more importantly, sound for it, and the tongue has to make a special move to make it through. My only complaint.



That line and the one before it are a reference to a Billy Ocean song, and I hate myself for putting it in, i just thought it was funny. Thanks for the feedback, guys!
Quote by KaMiKaZi90
"Mr. Owl? How many strokes does it take to make my little man explode?"
"Lets find out! One! Two! Three!"
*Crunch*
""
#5
The title reminded me of a Killswitch Engage song at first. But all together a good read man.
#6
pretty good, the verses were alright, i liked the chorus, and i REALLY liked the bridge or whatever with the streetlamps/spotlights/stage/stars...its not just that the imagery worked but the flow was kept perfectly intact. very nice