#1
You hear my coming
but you can't hide
I bring fear
butcher you from inside

I use my knife
only the finest points
stick it in your vagina
and you bleed a bath


(generic diminished sweep arpeggios)


cut your vagina
from your body
rape its flesh
and dispose the body

no reason to hide
your already dead
you've been raped and humiliated
you've been raped with a
scalpel

raped with a scalpel x4


Thoughts? I just turned fourteen so don't be too harsh.
#3
br00talz
You should write: I ****ed that vag with a knife tha slid in like warm butter.
You want some more seeneyj hate? WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT

You're all a bunch of f*cking slaves! - Jim Morrison

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#4
I'm not entirely sure if I could take that seriously.
DARK_MATTER, Instrumental Post-Metal from Ireland


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Last edited by roast at May 24, 2011,
#6
You're asking people to not be too harsh... So you can't handle mean words about your little song but you can write about raping vaginas with scalpels?

This is crap, man. Shock imagery that we've all heard and seen before, nothing new. Write about something interesting. No, a woman being raped with a scalpel isn't interesting. See, I happen to like women, and I wouldn't want any of them to be raped in the vagina with a scalpel. Don't worry man, as soon as those hairs sprout from your armpits, you'll understand what I mean.

However, I like the fact you've started writing. I started writing at that age too. Write about things you care about, things that you wouldn't talk about to anyone. Frequent this site and take note of how some writers use their words, and how they make you feel. You will get better.

Good luck.
#7
maybe in the future, after you finish something, think to yourself "would my mom immediately slap me across the face as hard as she could after reading this?" .. if so, start over. This one, she probably would, and she'd say "Billy, the worst part is, you didn't even try at all to make it artistic or interesting!" That's how we feel when we read this. It's just garbage. Of course, you know that, because you asked us not to be harsh - expecting us to be harsh.

But I agree with Bag'ed with that's last paragraph^.. maybe it's a good thing you posted this, here, to get a point of reference, in a change of direction (lord hopefully).. and at your age, you have time to read and write if you choose. Just don't listen to green day or good charlotte, they really suck.
#10
Yeah, I got that with "generic diminshed sweep arpeggios".

It still sucks.
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
#11
See now a little twist would make this at least interesting e.g.

You hear my coming
but you can't hide
I bring fear
butcher you from inside

I use my knife
only the finest points
stick it in your vagina
and you bleed a bath


(generic diminished sweep arpeggios)


cut your vagina
from your body
rape its flesh
and dispose the body

no reason to hide
your already dead
you've been raped and humiliated
you've been raped with a
scalpel

Yeah i Fcuk my cnut with razor blades
Yeah i Fcuk my cnut with razor blades
Yeah i Fcuk my cnut with razor blades
This is how i masturbate
Yeah i Rape my cnut with razor blades
#13
I feel you've stolen the theme from Cannibal Corpse's "Fucked with a knife".
Quote by apple_apple
oh my god! guitarViking is a genius... respect !!!

I'm GuitarViking! Don't you forget it!
#14
This is awful. It fails to be either shocking nor amusing. Basically, you're music is shit and you should feel shit.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#17
Or some people just don't find you funny, dumbass.
You certainly show traits of a guitarist though;
Its everyone else thats wrong, not you!
How could it possibly be you?

I apologise on behalf of the UG community, then, for not appreciating your art.
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
#18
The attention you guys have given this genius piece of 'satire' would have been far better spent on real poetry and songs.

Please remember that next time one of these threads appears.
#19
This is garbage bruh, if your're attempting sheer unadulterated brutality, still this sucks. However I think if you channeled that psychoticness into other more tasteful lyrics it might be somehat decent.
#21
Quote by ShredWithEd
Damn, not many UGers have a sense of humor.


Changing parts of other songs into something thats almost exactly the same isn't funny. Also this forum is not the place to do so. This thread is bad and you should feel bad.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
#22
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