#1
Hey,

the songs in this thread are songs to be used in my band, Beyond the 2nd Star.
Genre-wise we're aiming for a melodic mix of alternative rock and hardcore, with symphonic melodies and parts.

So!

Songs list;

  • Intro
  • Solid Transparency
  • My Anguish
  • Just Another Daydream
  • Soldiers Fortune


These are the songs we have composed this far. There'll probably be more songs to come later on - I'll deffo add them to the thread as they come.

So, as for critique;
I'd like for you guys to give crits on songs individually, AND to the impression as whole. 5 strong tunes can suck together, if they're terribly matched up.
Also, general rule;
Don't frigging download the tabs if you're not gonna give feedback. It's just rude.

C4C of course.

Cheers!
Attachments:
Intro.gp5
Solid Transparency.gp5
My Anguish.gp5
Just Another Daydream.gp5
Soldiers Fortune.gp5
#2
Hey man, first of all, sometimes people just wanna listen to your songs without telling you what they think of it, I know that I do it sometimes since most of the other posters will tell them what I would tell them anyways. Secondly, Im looking forward to hearing this, I love hardcore, and I remember your stuff being very melodic.

Intro


Liked the acoustic intro, the 12 string was a nice touch that I dont really ever see used much. Its pretty melodic, but when the cello comes in, it gets sort of dissonant, pretty good. I think that the harp + music box together came in a bit too loud, maybe turn that down some. Consequently, the lead guitar part wasn't quite loud enough. After the guitar harmony, it just suddenly dies down, are you supposed to have more guitar after this point? If not, why not try just ending on a note and letting it fade out. Really liked the dissonant yet melodic chords that the guitar came in with afterwards though. I feel like it ended at a strange spot though, seemed a little sudden, but I guess Ill see how it transitions into the next song; a flowing transition straight to the next song would be ideal here.

Solid Transparency

Well, the intro did not segue from the last track, which is what I was hoping for. I think you could definitely make it a good segue here, because the harp + music box would sound great over an acoustic, and this song starts off with an acoustic. I know that I have listened to this before, and Im pretty sure I have critted it before too, and it doesn't look like much has changed, so Ill just give you the gist here. In my opinion, Verse 2 really doesn't add much to the song. To be honest, if it doesn't need to be there for the vocals/lyrics, then Id consider removing it along with the second chorus and lead straight to the guitar solo. The outro was really nice, Id consider giving it a fadeout, it has a lovely mood, and a fadeout would give a feeling that it doesn't really end, which is what I was hoping for. maybe even add in a harmonizing acoustic lead.

My Anguish

Had a very peaceful intro, personally I would make more use of the piano here. Maybe have it play every different chord, thatd be nice. The clean guitar that comes in seems to harmonize weird, or at least it sounds so to me. Really loved the epic pre-verse, I definitely remember that from before, I want to say that section is perfectly beautiful, very very good job with that. The Verse was great with the piano, very tight here, I could imagine vocals making this sound great! The chorus + post-chorus parts were both very nice as well, but again, vocals will probably make this. This song seems a little more confined than your others, but thats not bad, its actually quite good here. Seems very straightforward, and very enjoyable. Im having some trouble adjusting to the Break (with that riff) though. I think that having the drum fill as triplets makes it harder to adjust, but either way, see if you can make this a bit better. Also, seems like it needs much more heavier drums than that ride bell (like what it does at bar 96). This section sounds very post-hardcore, so I like it. The Bridge was awesome, I think that some vocals could make it amazing. Maybe add some hardcore chants too! Chorus variation would be awesome, get it some room to switch the vocal melody up, maybe have some long ringing words here. It reminds me of an In Flames chorus form their recent work. The outro riff was sweet, I definitely like this riff, you just need to make it work better the first time it appears.

Just Another Daydream

I have critted this one before too. Its really nice, it continues that laid back, chill alternative rock type of sound that was in the last one too. Overall, so far, Id say that these songs are all very consistent, and I can definitely see your style. Each song introduces another aspect that I find to be really good, but yet they all have this certain sound to them. This song is great, I think its my favorite so far, maybe because of those vocal melodies. The piano/strings/guitar break was very weird. Was that guitar melody supposed to be doing the theme from Solid Transparency? If not, then it sounds pretty similar. If so, then I approve, I suggest making it more like that, it'll make your EP seem much more tighter. The lead guitar's melodies in the last verse were phenomenal, really loved this ending. It's a good ending too, pretty flawless from what I can tell.

Soldiers Fortune

I have listened to this song as well before. I remember this intro, but Im not sure if I critted it or anything. But Drama was great, very triumphant sounding with those strings. Nice job. Acoustic part in A was very nice. Pre-Chorus sounds like your style, I like it. And I liked those slides in the chorus. I really like this verse, same with all the other verses you write, with those fast drums and clean/acoustic guitars. Nice job on those pizzicato strings, I dont see that too often. Really liked those strings in the Chorus. The Outro was nice too, the piano made that. Strong ending. For some reason, this just doesn't seem like a strong closer to an album. Personally, i would end with something heavy, like the heaviest outro you've done, like a straight up Jane Doe type of outro haha. Overall, this song was probably my least favorite on the album, too. The intro was great, but I kinda forget the other parts. Because of this, I would end on another song.


Overall, for the EP as a whole...like I said before, each track is very different, but your style is there for everything. You did a good job with that. However I think that you could make it a little more compact, do some snipping of some parts, and most importantly, you could add some segues in between the songs. A lot of intro tracks are created to lead into the first actual track, so I'd recommend doing that, I always enjoy those. Overall though, its very good, well written. Id enjoy listening to this, and I know that a ton of people would as well.

Phew, what a long post.

Now, for a C4C, Id really appreciate if you looked at these songs. They are pop-punk, so they may not be your style, but you can still look at it from a musician's standpoint and tell me. I have a bunch of songs in there, but Id appreciate if you looked at the ones called "TG#", and maybe just do a few that interest you. Thank you man!
#3
Quote by Mean Mr Mustard
Hey man, first of all, sometimes people just wanna listen to your songs without telling you what they think of it, I know that I do it sometimes since most of the other posters will tell them what I would tell them anyways. Secondly, Im looking forward to hearing this, I love hardcore, and I remember your stuff being very melodic.


True, see your point.

Intro

Liked the acoustic intro, the 12 string was a nice touch that I dont really ever see used much. Its pretty melodic, but when the cello comes in, it gets sort of dissonant, pretty good. I think that the harp + music box together came in a bit too loud, maybe turn that down some. Consequently, the lead guitar part wasn't quite loud enough. After the guitar harmony, it just suddenly dies down, are you supposed to have more guitar after this point? If not, why not try just ending on a note and letting it fade out. Really liked the dissonant yet melodic chords that the guitar came in with afterwards though. I feel like it ended at a strange spot though, seemed a little sudden, but I guess Ill see how it transitions into the next song; a flowing transition straight to the next song would be ideal here.


I'm gonna try a 2-3 bar fade-in with the harp/box melody, and possibly raise the volume of the guitars to see the effect. A fade out for the lead guitars is also be a great idea, thanks!

The end will be faded out, I just forgot to make the last 3-4 bars in guitar pro. :P
Thanks for the kind words!

Solid Transparency

Well, the intro did not segue from the last track, which is what I was hoping for. I think you could definitely make it a good segue here, because the harp + music box would sound great over an acoustic, and this song starts off with an acoustic. I know that I have listened to this before, and Im pretty sure I have critted it before too, and it doesn't look like much has changed, so Ill just give you the gist here. In my opinion, Verse 2 really doesn't add much to the song. To be honest, if it doesn't need to be there for the vocals/lyrics, then Id consider removing it along with the second chorus and lead straight to the guitar solo. The outro was really nice, Id consider giving it a fadeout, it has a lovely mood, and a fadeout would give a feeling that it doesn't really end, which is what I was hoping for. maybe even add in a harmonizing acoustic lead.


A crossover segue from the intro would be awesome, great idea.

I'm quite aware of the fact that verse 2 isn't exactly revolutionary. Though, removing both that and the second chorus seems a bit harsh, doesn't it? Removing those two parts would result in a drastically shorter song, and to me a lesser song. Meaning I would have to add another section, a bridge/verse/whatever.
Shout out if you disagree with me. =)

I was considering a fadeout for the outro, but decided to let it end the way it's ending now. Don't remember why, but I had some reason. :P
However, I'm gonna try it with a harmonized acoustic lead ontop, so see how it turns out.

My Anguish

Had a very peaceful intro, personally I would make more use of the piano here. Maybe have it play every different chord, thatd be nice. The clean guitar that comes in seems to harmonize weird, or at least it sounds so to me. Really loved the epic pre-verse, I definitely remember that from before, I want to say that section is perfectly beautiful, very very good job with that. The Verse was great with the piano, very tight here, I could imagine vocals making this sound great! The chorus + post-chorus parts were both very nice as well, but again, vocals will probably make this. This song seems a little more confined than your others, but thats not bad, its actually quite good here. Seems very straightforward, and very enjoyable. Im having some trouble adjusting to the Break (with that riff) though. I think that having the drum fill as triplets makes it harder to adjust, but either way, see if you can make this a bit better. Also, seems like it needs much more heavier drums than that ride bell (like what it does at bar 96). This section sounds very post-hardcore, so I like it. The Bridge was awesome, I think that some vocals could make it amazing. Maybe add some hardcore chants too! Chorus variation would be awesome, get it some room to switch the vocal melody up, maybe have some long ringing words here. It reminds me of an In Flames chorus form their recent work. The outro riff was sweet, I definitely like this riff, you just need to make it work better the first time it appears.


The harmonies are, in my opinion, pretty awesome. :p I might be tonedeaf, but I'd love to hear another suggestion for them? If you have one?

Thanks for praise regarding the pre-verse. Love that part myself, so it's good to hear I'm not the only one.

As for vocals during the verse, the melodies and the text is already written, and the song has already been recorded once. Though, I've made som changes to the instruments, and we are re-recording it.

As for the Break, I really like that part, even the triplets.
The thing about the break is, that it's well planned out. The first party (with the ride bell) is to introduce the rythm, and we basically made it without much heaviness or anything. Then, it's a little metalcore riff, before it smashes back to the orignal break riff. To me, there isn't really a problem with the heaviness, as I know how it sounds like recorded and live. But I can understand why you think so, cause of GP.

The last chorus has a variation, but it's lying in the drums. the second time around, the drums bring back the beat from the break. Not too noticable in GP, but alot better IRL.


Just Another Daydream

I have critted this one before too. Its really nice, it continues that laid back, chill alternative rock type of sound that was in the last one too. Overall, so far, Id say that these songs are all very consistent, and I can definitely see your style. Each song introduces another aspect that I find to be really good, but yet they all have this certain sound to them. This song is great, I think its my favorite so far, maybe because of those vocal melodies. The piano/strings/guitar break was very weird. Was that guitar melody supposed to be doing the theme from Solid Transparency? If not, then it sounds pretty similar. If so, then I approve, I suggest making it more like that, it'll make your EP seem much more tighter. The lead guitar's melodies in the last verse were phenomenal, really loved this ending. It's a good ending too, pretty flawless from what I can tell.


The break is indeed very wierd, but I have no idea what to put there instead. Please throw some ideas my way?

Soldiers Fortune

I have listened to this song as well before. I remember this intro, but Im not sure if I critted it or anything. But Drama was great, very triumphant sounding with those strings. Nice job. Acoustic part in A was very nice. Pre-Chorus sounds like your style, I like it. And I liked those slides in the chorus. I really like this verse, same with all the other verses you write, with those fast drums and clean/acoustic guitars. Nice job on those pizzicato strings, I dont see that too often. Really liked those strings in the Chorus. The Outro was nice too, the piano made that. Strong ending. For some reason, this just doesn't seem like a strong closer to an album. Personally, i would end with something heavy, like the heaviest outro you've done, like a straight up Jane Doe type of outro haha. Overall, this song was probably my least favorite on the album, too. The intro was great, but I kinda forget the other parts. Because of this, I would end on another song.


Wow. Didn't see that coming. Too me, this one and the intro, are my favorites. Oh well. As for ending the EP; as I said, more songs are most likely to come, so I don't think this will be the closer.


Overall, for the EP as a whole...like I said before, each track is very different, but your style is there for everything. You did a good job with that. However I think that you could make it a little more compact, do some snipping of some parts, and most importantly, you could add some segues in between the songs. A lot of intro tracks are created to lead into the first actual track, so I'd recommend doing that, I always enjoy those. Overall though, its very good, well written. Id enjoy listening to this, and I know that a ton of people would as well.

Phew, what a long post.

Now, for a C4C, Id really appreciate if you looked at these songs. They are pop-punk, so they may not be your style, but you can still look at it from a musician's standpoint and tell me. I have a bunch of songs in there, but Id appreciate if you looked at the ones called "TG#", and maybe just do a few that interest you. Thank you man!


A long post indeed, Mr. Mustard! But a good one!
I'll take your thoughts into consideration, and hopefully you'll reply to what I've just written here!

I'll crit your songs tomorrow, gotta to bed now! It's god damn late :p

Thanks for lots of incredibly kind words!
#4
Quote by Christopher S

I'm quite aware of the fact that verse 2 isn't exactly revolutionary. Though, removing both that and the second chorus seems a bit harsh, doesn't it? Removing those two parts would result in a drastically shorter song, and to me a lesser song. Meaning I would have to add another section, a bridge/verse/whatever.
Shout out if you disagree with me. =)

Yeah, I understand that that will mess with your song, but I am ALL for strange song structures. I mean, all of your songs seem to somewhat follow some sort of structure, so maybe itd be nice to have one that didn't. I mean, look at Coheed and Cambria, they have tons of simple pop songs, and every now and then, some awesome epic long song with no structure. That just me though.

Quote by Christopher S

The harmonies are, in my opinion, pretty awesome. :p I might be tonedeaf, but I'd love to hear another suggestion for them? If you have one?

Yeah, Id have to listen to them again. I was thinking about a more conventional interval, but again, Id have to listen to it again, Im not sure how that would sound.

Quote by Christopher S

As for the Break, I really like that part, even the triplets.
The thing about the break is, that it's well planned out. The first party (with the ride bell) is to introduce the rythm, and we basically made it without much heaviness or anything. Then, it's a little metalcore riff, before it smashes back to the orignal break riff. To me, there isn't really a problem with the heaviness, as I know how it sounds like recorded and live. But I can understand why you think so, cause of GP.

Yeah, that definitely seems like the type of section that would sound much better in an actual recording. That riff was also one of my favorite spots of this EP

Quote by Christopher S

The break is indeed very wierd, but I have no idea what to put there instead. Please throw some ideas my way?

Yeah, its definitely weird, but I wasn't implying you should remove it. There are no other "weird" sections, so it stands out. If you can't come up with anything else, then I would just keep it. As for other options, theres tons, like acoustic/vocals, clean guitar/strings, etc.

And your welcome! Tell me when you guys get this recorded