#1
It only rains when I’m outside
And it’s only sunny when I’m in
There’s a child drowning in my pool
But no one knows how to swim.

I’ve got lots of friends when I’m drunk
But I’ve gone none when I’m sober
After sleeping with a prostitute
She stuck a knife in my shoulder
I guess I don’t have as many friends as I thought.
(Or maybe the sex wasn’t very good.)

Now all I’ve got is a bleeding shoulder
With no friends to drive me to the ER
And a monsoon in the way
Of my shitty old car.
ED REED BABY
#3
It sounds like a good poem, but it feels short for a song but thats my personal opinion. It wouldn't be too hard to add more.
#4
a couple things, i like the whole getting stabbed in the shoulder bit. its a literal way of expressing something figurative (at least, im assuming this didn't literally happen) and it has a good level of shock value without me WTF over the top.

didn't really like the "I guess I don’t have as many friends as I thought" line, mainly because you already stated that you have none, as well as the fact that it seems too long and wordy for one single point. i also don't get the monsoon...the imagery associated with it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of it. something more clear that its difficult to get to the car (like a wall, or just a long distance) seems that it would work better
#5
Quote by D_man3981
It sounds like a good poem, but it feels short for a song but thats my personal opinion. It wouldn't be too hard to add more.


Some songs have less lyrics but an instrumental to most of it
Led Zeppelin's Rain Song is an example of this
Quote by kaptkegan
Don't think I've ever been sigged.


I pretty much never leave the drug thread anymore.
Last edited by Metallicuh at May 27, 2011,