#1
This is the first song I have ever written so... y'know, go easy :P
Basically it's about a girl I really like, and she lives in a different city from me. I have experience in writing stories, so I decided to put my own imagination into it. As it's long distant and I see her in person like once a month, I compared her to a cosmic being that descends from space to a beach once a month, and the singer comes to that beach when she appears.
I've written the lyrics and a few bass tabs, so it's unfinished. I hope for it to have an acoustic riff, similar to 'Where Do You Go To My Lovely' by Peter Sartedt.
So... yeah, tell me what you think please

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Harmony Harriet:


Harriet, Harriet
Oh Harmony Harriet

When the moon crosses the sea
Its shadows and lights call infinity
The stars decend on the beach
They twist and combine to form all of each
How the stellar diamonds twine
They take the frame of hair as red as wine
They take the frame of a face of some Greek goddess
They take the frame of Harmony Harriet

Her time on this earth may be a day or a weekend
Before she departs back to the cosmos
Make her time on this earth the best of all ever all
Her siren voice and her welcoming eyes
The days on this beach make time and space discontinue
I'd kiss you, I'd cuddle you, I'll love you
This woman of the galaxy decends to this world
Just for my mortal hands and eyes and lips
I'll make sure that our days together are made for love
And when your time is up and you must go
And you must return to your rightful place among gods
I must reluctantly return to life
But I'll never ever forget our short and occasional bliss

Although we're apart
You're still in my heart
I look at the night
Remember your sight
I count all the days
My mind is a maze
I know nothiing of myself before I met you

Harmony Harriet
Harmony Harriet
Harmony Harriet

When the sun rises at home
Your lal memory is as clear as chrome
Although my life has resumed
My first thought every morning is still tuned
At night I'll gaze at the sky
The stars that form you bring out happy cry
How they form an awareness
They take the frame of a figure of Venus
They take the frame of eyes of a sun
They take the frame of Harmony Harriet

I don't know if I can go on with this style of life
When I remember our experience
When I wake up I remember our night on the beach
Throughout the day you are my only thought
I will drive to my office and I'll park all crooked
I'm in a world of my own at my work
I can't look at a woman, I can't talk to a man
When asked to write a memo to my boss
The only words that come are Harmony Harriet
All that ever remains of my person
Is your memories and your music to sustain me
My vision is blocked by your ghost and love
But I'll never ever forget our short and occasional bliss

But listen to me
My mind is serene
I'm able to cope
This isn't some mope
And though we're apart
You stay in my heart
I know nothiing of myself before I met you

Harmony Harriet
Harmony Harriet
Harmony Harriet

When the moon crosses the sea
On the last Friday of a month I see
With happiness my gut churns
I wait eagerly for you to return
On this beach at pretty night
The stars fall to form your hypnotic sight
How the diamonds all transfer
They take the frame of a voice as warm as fur
They take the frame of eyes as kind as Athena
They take the frame of Harmony Harriet

A month like a lifetime apart has come to an end
Now you're back among mortals for my hands
How could a cosmic form be bothered to be with me ?
You could be with your equals in the heavens
But you chose to come down to Earth to relive our love
And so I will kiss you and cuddle you
And we'll sit on the shore as we watch the ocean roar
And we will roll back and forth as we kiss
I know who I'm kissing is above Earthly tempo
Which is why when we are together
Time and space and life and death loose all understanding
All that is clear and matters is our love
When the night is over and you return to the sky
We part with a hug and the words "Until the next month"
And I'll never ever forget our short and occasional bliss

Harriet, Harriet
Oh Harmony Harriet

Harriet, Harriet
Oh Harmony Harriet

Harriet, Harriet
Oh Harmony Harriet

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Soooo, yeah that's it
#2
is this a song or an epic poem?

seriously though, the imagery is all good (reminded me of AP english in high school) but its just TOO good. halfway through the first verse i was completely lost. poets and authors may love imagery like that, but listening to it in a song, especially when written so fully like that, it can be WAY too much.

simple is golden
#3
I see your point

I thought that vividness would be good for a song, but maybe not...

Suppose I should tone it down :P

Thanks for the critism!