#1
Here's some more song lyrics I wrote. Please comment, I would love to read your thoughts on it


The Room


If you dare look inside
Inside this bedroom here
You will find it is empty
Just a musty smell that lingers

The wallpaper that was once bright
and red
Has been left to wear away
Just cold grey walls remain

(chorus)
Will you unlock the door
And turn the key?
Fill the empty room
And end the misery?

Can you taste the salty tears
Left in the thick heavy air?
Look how the room grows old
Can't you see
It's walls heave?

No-one has lived in the room
Although there could have been
If they had given it a chance
Every place has its charms

Will you unlock the door
And turn the key?
Fill the empty room
And end the misery?

Can you feel the icy breeze
That makes the floor feel
Like a stone slab
And the radiator no long radiates
It's warmth is no longer cherished

Will you unlock the door
And turn the key?
Fill the empty room
And end the misery?
#2
If you dare look inside
Inside this bedroom here
You will find it is empty
Just a musty smell that lingers


The last line doesn't seem to flow. If you just cut out the word "that", I think it works a bit better.

The wallpaper that was once bright
and red
Has been left to wear away
Just cold grey walls remain


The second line has a similar problem for the opposite reason. More syllables would help here. Maybe another color, or some other description language.

(chorus)
Will you unlock the door
And turn the key?
Fill the empty room
And end the misery?

Can you taste the salty tears
Left in the thick heavy air?
Look how the room grows old
Can't you see
It's walls heave?


These work as is, I think.

No-one has lived in the room
Although there could have been
If they had given it a chance
Every place has its charms


The second line may not technically disagree subject or tense wise, but it feels like it does. Something that references the "no-one" and "they" you refer to would sound better, at least to my ears.

Can you feel the icy breeze
That makes the floor feel
Like a stone slab
And the radiator no long radiates
It's warmth is no longer cherished


The repitition of "radiator-radiate" sounds a little redundant and stilted to me. "Gives", "sends", or something along those lines might work better.

Overall- Not bad. Keep writing.