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#1
Hey pit, i need a joke to cheer up a friend of mine. She is sad and i want to make her feel better. She is a great person and she has helped me out many times before. i would appreciate female friendly jokes.
Quote by SlackerBabbath
Written on the condom machine in the toilets in my local cinema.

'Worst chewing gum I ever tasted... but you can blow smashing bubbles with it!'
#2
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.

Bad Dum Tsch.
You Dont Know Me

I have 10 Anarchy Points - I also have 8 Mythology points!

Peavey Generation EXP Custom White
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Quote by mrfinkle213
This man has brains.

Quote by CoreysMonster
Banned for indirect reference.
#4
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?

Robin, get in the Batmobile.
Call me Matthew.
#5
Quote by Satan's kid
female friendly jokes.


WHAT. Just don't tell a sexist joke then, genius.

Why doesn't 50 Cent drink beer?

Cos he can handle shots.
Horseness is the whatness of allhorse.
We are all Neil Lennon
UG GT5 group
#7
YOU: I've got a joke for you

HER: What?

YOU: Sex!

HER: I don't get it...

YOU: HARHARHAR

do it.
Quote by Jackal58
I only judge people based upon the color of their skin.


Quote by Kilty Boxers
id like to shave my balls, but i always cut myself and when i do my shaver is like om nom nom testicle skin.
#8
What is the difference between my girlfriend and a dead fetus?

I don't kiss my girlfriend when I have sex with her....
This is why I don't like arguing on the internet.
Quote by damian_91
If only you could back that statement up.
Quote by Zombee
Wolfgang's Philadelphia Study. Look it up yourself.
Quote by damian_91
No need to, absurd generalizations aren't my thing.
#9
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#12
Quote by Masshuu
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?

Robin, get in the Batmobile.


Dear lord, this actually made me lol
#16
Quote by Kylianvb
So an Irishman walks past a pub.

I see what you did there.
We're all alright!
#18
-What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
- The holocaust
Rock on or die

Guitarist 5 years, Had purpose in life 5 years

Quote by angusfan16
My name is NOT Anus Fan!
#20
Show her your penis......


not just because it's small, but to sex her up with...but because of the size mainly >_>
#21
some kinda immature prank stuff just search Producer Joe challenges. abunch of public pranks this guy does from The Free Beer and Hotwings radio show.

the best radio show imo
#22
Anti-Joke Chicken
Stand up and cheer if you like SimCity

Play Up Pompey, Pompey Play Up
THE WiLDHEARTS

Quote by goest
I'm going to take this opportunity to initiate my campaign to replace the phrase "Taking a shit" with "Busting a grumpy."
#23
Quote by SlipknotRule93
Anti-Joke Chicken


surprised you didn't post anything slipknot related

y'know?

cos your username is slipknotrule93?
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#24
Quote by laid-to-waste
surprised you didn't post anything slipknot related

y'know?

cos your username is slipknotrule93?


well you know Slipknot never makes anyone happy.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#25
Jokes ain't gonna fix shit. Do something adrenalin-packed, smoke a joint, have some coffee, anal sex, play some guitar and jam, ya know, that sort of stuff.
❝Don't be afraid of death, but of an inadequate life❞
Bertolt Bretcht


#26
Quote by Duffman123
Show her your penis......


not just because it's small, but to sex her up with...but because of the size mainly >_>


Iseewhatudidthar
Quote by SlackerBabbath
Written on the condom machine in the toilets in my local cinema.

'Worst chewing gum I ever tasted... but you can blow smashing bubbles with it!'
#28
Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the same side.
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Pink Floyd


#Ziggy2017
#29
What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler
"One does not walk into Vatican City with one's ass hanging out."
#30
Quote by SG_dave
For some reason I honestly find the UK funniest joke funnier than the other two, and I'm from the UK. WHY IS THIS?

Aren't Manchester and Blackpool in the UK too?
fear is the mindkiller


CANUCKS
#31
Quote by TheEducatedFool
Aren't Manchester and Blackpool in the UK too?


the first two jokes are from the UK, but those were the ones that the whole world found funniest. the third one was the one that people in the UK found to be the funniest.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#32
Quote by Anthony1991
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.

Bad Dum Tsch.



i like that one
Gotta keep my eyes from the circling skies...
tounge tied and twisted just an earth bound misfit...

>CRYPTIC METAPHOR<


Quote by ilikepirates
ilikeyou.

not hated
#36
If you want to cheer her up with more than laughter, try this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GUQnttrjmM

Say what you will about the show and the concept and the judges, but this show is the best thing to happen to TV this year as far as I'm concerned for introducing the world to this guy. His voice is like a big, warm, friendly hug from someone you love, I'll be heartbroken if he's not in the top three. But I can't help but smile when he sings, and I think it'll make her at least happier.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 50-54
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 0-0
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 0-0
#37
Quote by Thrill-house
This Drew Carey clip will make anyone laugh. Click here


Or this one.
UG Radio


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Thine Behold one rollin?
Quote by _T_H_R_I_C_E_
Lo, and the other lads be hating,
gallyvanting around,
attempting to catch me cycling in an unsavory fashion.




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PSN: Dasan104
#38
Quote by darklite41
Or this one.
+1
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Pink Floyd


#Ziggy2017
#39
Quote by Wolfinator-x
Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the same side.


bazinga!

Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#40
This joke was rated most funny in the UK. Oh, the brits.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."


EDIT:
Quote by SG_dave
For some reason I honestly find the UK funniest joke funnier than the other two, and I'm from the UK. WHY IS THIS?


Oh my God.
Quote by apple_apple
oh my god! guitarViking is a genius... respect !!!

I'm GuitarViking! Don't you forget it!
Last edited by GuitarViking at Jun 1, 2011,
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