#1
Write me off again
You do it every time
Cause theres a weakness in your tact
And yet another in your spine
You took it all for granted
And said that I did too
Well you should take another look
I was always there for you

I dont think she even noticed the explosion but
I sure hope she gets whats coming to her afterwards

Paint on all your faces
You know it all too well
That if you look just like heaven
Itll put me right through hell
Soo i took another chance
I fed you every line
Now theres a bullet in my back
That says you werent worth the time

I dont think she even noticed the explosion but
I sure hope she gets whats coming to her afterwards
#2
I would change the title; Foo Fighters released a song called "Bridge Burning" very very recently, about a month ago.
Bands I've seen live:

Def Leppard
Journey
Tool
Testament
Megadeth
Slayer
Mastodon
Deftones
Alice in Chains
Foo Fighters
Rodrigo y Gabriela
#3
I liked this, it was a nice read. The couplets make it flow really easily (although there are a few parts where the syllables are off), and for the most part you avoid coming off too cheesy despite the ABCB pattern.

I liked the first verse the best, except the last two lines, where it feels like it's venturing a bit too close to cliche. Obviously this piece is about being burned, but you start off so strong, it was a little disappointing to see the verse end with something that I felt didn't keep that strength.

The refrain strikes me a bit oddly, I'm not sure what to make of it. The timing is strange. But I do like the sentiment of the "coming to her" line.

The second verse is good, too; I don't like it quite as much as the first, but I think that's mostly because of the heaven/hell couplet--it just feels a bit too easy, IMO. Like I said before, the rest is nice, so I'd just like to see it hold onto that impactfulness.


And I think the title's fine..I doubt many people are gonna be connecting/comparing you to the Foos in S&L.

#4
this is really great, it sound very fallout boyish.
and theres nothing wrong with that. theyre one of my favorites.
good job guy
#5
Quote by RaysGotThis
I liked this, it was a nice read. The couplets make it flow really easily (although there are a few parts where the syllables are off), and for the most part you avoid coming off too cheesy despite the ABCB pattern.

I liked the first verse the best, except the last two lines, where it feels like it's venturing a bit too close to cliche. Obviously this piece is about being burned, but you start off so strong, it was a little disappointing to see the verse end with something that I felt didn't keep that strength.

The refrain strikes me a bit oddly, I'm not sure what to make of it. The timing is strange. But I do like the sentiment of the "coming to her" line.

The second verse is good, too; I don't like it quite as much as the first, but I think that's mostly because of the heaven/hell couplet--it just feels a bit too easy, IMO. Like I said before, the rest is nice, so I'd just like to see it hold onto that impactfulness.


And I think the title's fine..I doubt many people are gonna be connecting/comparing you to the Foos in S&L.



Thank you! I really liked this bit of cunstructive criticism it helped alot i did feel uneasy about that heaven/hell line
#6
Quote by JoshPeters92
this is really great, it sound very fallout boyish.
and theres nothing wrong with that. theyre one of my favorites.
good job guy

Thanks that means alot!
#7
The lyrics are pretty solid and, as RaysGotThis said, you did pretty well with staying away from cliche lines, despite the cliche subject. The only parts I feel are cliche or just boring are the second half of the first verse and the heaven/hell lines. Also, the title is far too cliche for my taste.

Overall, a good song given the subject matter.
#8
Quote by Winter Sky
Also, the title is far too cliche for my taste.

i don't think it's that cliche, i mean, it's is a clice mixed up a bit, but thats what makes it different to the others

as for the critisism, i don't think there isn't anything ray hasn't covered already that i don't agree with