#1
...but when I do, it's only after lots of Dos Equis.


Rum turns to jelly,
sitting on the bottom of this mug,
I'm breathing steady.
Next morning headache
and the feeling's left me,
Folgers can, griddle pan,
toast, jam, the morning medley.

I woke up and left a message on your machine,
you left five last night waiting up for me,
We've both had grown some since we both became
so lonesome,
But you'd understand, too, if you had seen what I had seen.

I tried to help you out, but you were
scared with no sense,
I ran out of rope to give you to
try to get you to go with,
I guess to finally realize
I had to be broke and hopeless
That you can't reason with fearful women.
You can't break a girl that's boneless.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
Last edited by JustRooster at Jun 3, 2011,
#2
I liked this alot.

The first stanza was very fun to read through, not sure if it really set the scene too well because the last few lines are fairly playful in what goes on to be a fairly serious piece.

Not alot to complain about in the second stanza other than the word "lonesome". It threw me off rhythm on first read, and now that i've found a rhythm and emphasis that works, it just doesn't flow very well.

The last stanza, ah, wonderful. Maybe because I put on my best ghetto accent whilst reading, but I could really hear that in a song. Very nice, has a good groove to it, and the last two lines were wonderful.

You should rap more often
#4
Always. I love barroom rambles, this included. I don't like how it ends, but sometimes you run out of steam because the beer smolders the embers too cool. But I love how it develops, all the confessions and truth spilled out.