#1
this is a little verse i put togetehr last year in school, while not paying any attention to the teacher. hah
im not sure which direction i should take it in next, im open and appreciate all types of criticizm (spelling??).


Literally we lie together
your head on my chest
the truth doesnt matter
so whisper my name
and collapse all insecurity

feel my heart
beat through your chest
its trapped in a cage
of infidelities
so roll on your back
and smile at me

ill think to myself
its too good to be

too bad its not..
true.

thats all i have, let me know what you think....
#3
ive not gotten as far as the chords, i always finish lyrics before i accompany it with sound, just my songwritting process. but the lyrics are ok so far you think? the first stanza is all im sure of.
the rest seems a little forced, dont you think?
#4
Here comes the red pen:

Literally We lie together
your head on my chest
the truth doesnt matter
so whisper my name
and collapse all insecurity


*Not only is the word literally unnecessary, its a terrible first word. or just a terrible word for poetry/lyrics in general. the only time i would ever use literally is if the phrase could be interpreted as metaphorical, and even then...i don't know. collapse is a passive verb, but your statement is an imperative command so it doesn't work well here. something like destroy or tear down would work much better.

feel my heart
beat through your chest
its trapped in a cage
of infidelities
so roll on your back
and smile at me


*this is minor, but its a simple word reduction. "its" doesn't need to be here and youll be able to develop a better musical and lyrical flow without it

ill think to myself
its too good to be

too bad its not..
true.


*no real problem here. i like how it ended with the word true, it worked well, but i might add a line, like "and im right" between "its too good to be" and "too bad its not" almost for a better build up, so to speak. all that said, these four lines could be left as is, im just saying what i would do

overall its not that bad, i liked it, but a few touchups (even if they are more grammar related) could really strengthen this without really changing much of anything