#1
Tonight we should be together
Instead I'm adding melody to a love letter.
Ya, I don't ask for much,
Because as I want is your touch.

Oh what a beautiful night it will be,
For you, but not for me.
There's a wedge of words unsaid,
and it just keeps pushing us apart.

A love story that's never been told,
this one's about a prince who is not so bold.
Just a long time of waiting
And a lot of self hating.

Oh what a beautiful night it will be,
For you, but not for me.
There's a wedge of words unsaid,
and it just keeps pushing us apart.

Am I alone in this,
Or will you grant my wish?
And realize what you mean to me,
and realize that we are meant to be.

Be as cruel as you want, as long as you are constructive. I've been out of practice for a long time.
#2
First verse and refrain are good. Keep them as is. The third verse is pretty cliche; good if you're writing for teens, bad if you're not. I'd personally scrap the thing and start over, but that's my style of writing and it's not for everyone. I'm pretty conflicted about the second verse. On the one hand, it's probably very accurate regarding the narrative. On the other hand, it's also a bit cliche. In my opinion, there's no clear winner there (neither is more evident than the other and so affects my evaluation of the stanza), so that's up to your discretion.

All in all, a good piece, especially if you're rather rusty.
Quote by SonOfPest
Its the Lydian mode; formed in Eastern Arabia when the Persians invaded England.


Quote by Blind In 1 Ear
try the sexolydian scale.
#4
Please don't take this the wrong way, but this kinda reads as very sophomoric poetry. There are a lot of cliches in it and it seems just really really sweet. This would make a good kinda teen pop song, but for more adult audiences, I think you have to go a little deeper.

While rhyming is nice in songs and can make lines feel like they finish, rhyming every two lines in the entire song makes it seem kinda cheesy. Occasionally breaking the rhyming adds some flavor and loosens it up.

Overall, you have good ideas, but you need to get away from quite such cookie cutter ways of setting up your lyrics and loosen up some IMO.
#5
Thanks guys. And I don't take anything anyone says as offensive. It is way too cookie cutter, and I realize that now. And yes, I hated using the word prince, I just left it in for whatever reason.
#6
hey, that phrase "adding melody to a love letter" is a great line. Brilliance. Maybe you could rewrite a whole new song around that?