This is a poem I wrote, I would REALLY appreciate some criticism, and if oyu do just leave me a link to yours and I promise I'll back to you as soon as I can. Thanks!


The Cimmerian apathy stretched across the pellucid sky
Is ingesting pensive reflections like a converse mirror.
It wears a starry black desert (folded over a secret epigraph
And signed with the blood of a million memoirs)
Where a ghostly plethora of romantic reveries
Intoxicate themselves with its unfettered breath, rot the desperate heart,
Or harden to a thick blank absence wrapped in memories.
Its Mona Lisa gaze is captivating.

No prophecies haunt its horizon, just a constant distance
That seems to separate the ineffable past from the clouded present.
Hopes bathe there; many of them have drowned. Somewhere
Among them, a tiny soul is stabbing itself with a luminous crescent.
It’s a beautiful evening.
I like the imagery here and the ideas going on, or what I could make of it, but honestly it reads like you're trying a bit too hard to use a big vocabulary, it's a bit distracting. I like to think of myself as fairly articulate, and even I don't know what some of these words mean.

I think you'd do it some justice by dialing back them fancy bookwords a bit.
Haha! I spent a LONG time trying to find the right words to describe what I mean, but when I finished it I felt a little bit insecure about it having too many adjectives, which made me seek feedback- which is why I posted it here. Which words do you think I should cut out, or change? Thanks for the crit by the way! I REALLY appreciate it.
No problem, man; I don't wanna discourage you from saying exactly what you want to say, exactly how you want to say it, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. But I think that this piece would be really nice--just as nice--by taking some of the fancier words and replacing them with more common words that mean the same thing. Striking the right balance between simplicity and eloquence is what I think makes for a great poem.

So, to actually answer your question, words like pellucid and ingesting could be replaced with lucid (or clear, or tranquil) and swallowing or absorbing (or something). Same for either plethora or reveries. The first stanza/verse just feels like the lines are a little crowded with the fancy words. But certain ones, like Cimmerian and epigraph don't really have other ways of saying them, so they're important, and I wouldn't want you to change something like that that's critical to your meaning.

Like I said, take it with a grain of salt, and think of it as more tweaking than outright changing. It's all up to you, though.
Ok cool, I'll keep that in mind.Your feedback really means alot to me- I'm relatively new to writing serious poetry, and it's such a great feeling to write a good poem you can be proud of- but it's also very frustrating. I think I have some talent and I'm very anxious to get better, which is why any criticism at this time is very important to me. Thanks again man!!
Yikes man. Super cool imagery! It was just a tad clunky in spots but I know that their is a kind of poetry like this. Its a very beautiful thing you have here and maybe par down the words as Ray has said above. Not by much though. Perhaps in just strategic locations.

Crit mine?