nothing special. trying to start writing again.

today, we escape

every time i get in the car
i want to drive to new york
no matter what time it is
how much gas is in the tank
what paper is (over)due tomorrow

and today i wake up alone
after a bottle of whiskey with friends
the term is over
at last, i am allowed to do this
i pack the car full and start the engine
but before i go
my friend cries on my shoulder

i drive slower this time
arrive at 1am
walk to a falafel place in brooklyn
breathe in a hasidic bakery on the way
this place,
where the concrete is older than the trees--
i have one last paper
(over)due tomorrow by e-mail

i escaped.
i dunno dude, i dont think it's very interesting to hear the fine details of your day to day life for no real message. you need to write with an emotion, this is almost just narrative.

i think it could be quite good, that's why i say this, i like the way it's going. it's just me, personally, it's a pet peeve of mine when a song is packed full of imagery and references which aren't in there for any symbolism or meaning, perhaps i missed it.
it is narrative, there is no symbolism, there is an emotion but if its not coming through then that's because this poem is quite shitty as it is now. will work on new drafts.