#1

"Freud was wrong about the Id, but he nailed the other half..."



I used to do this thing where every time
the villain come on my favorite TV show
as a kid I'd stick my tongue out and make
that mouth fart noise just to make it
absolutely clear how much I disapproved
of their lifestyle choices.

I've been learning a lot of humility in
my life lately, what with dealing with
saving the world and curing world
hunger and breast cancer and
the make a wish foundation and
everything else you could think of
that we all save on a daily basis.

My ego's been dying down but I
still feel like somewhat of a pompous
ass every time I talk to old friends
of mine now that I'm back in my
high school town for a couple months
and I talk about all the places I've
been and they talk about how they
never really left this town and how
they like parties and bars and
run-on sentences.

It's just a little weird now when I
goto bars and I re-meet all the chicks
that were out of my league in high school.
I've been off doing my thing and they
just kinda waited around this same
town to get old enough to meet me
at the bar so they can tell me about how
they enjoy going to the bar. I mean,
they're into me now because I've got
something interesting about me but
I get this overwhelming urge to stick my
tongue out at them.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#2
You know, the problem with a title like "Freud Was Wrong About the Id, But He Nailed the Other Half" is that nobody will ever call it that.
Money beats soul every time.

Money beats soul...every time.

Money...beats soul...every...goddamn...time.
#3
this is real lovely
not sure how i feel about the first stanza though
wish there was a better, less direct way to introduce this action of sticking your tongue out
#4
Brilliant man. Not exactly poetic in terms of prose, nor content really, but I know exactly where you're coming from. Even though you're talking about specific feelings and incidents personal to you, it is entirely relatable. I liked the link from the last stanza and the first too

Anyway, very enjoyable read. I needed something like this to cheer me up in work this morning, thanks dude.
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
#5
The use of the sticking out tongue was really clever.
Quote by Athabasca
My ex did the same. Cheated on me and then acted like I'd given her sister a facial. Women are retarded.
#6
well this is cute
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#7
So, yeah. You know what you're doing, and I can dig that. I like the narrator's voice. I don't like the narrator, but I'm not convinced I'm supposed to. He talks about the humility that comes with grandiosity and then says his ego's been "dying down" (which feels awkward - I might have used the word "diminishing," myself). Then he blows his nose all over his peers. So, you know. He's an as$h0le. And that's okay, as$h0les need poetry, too. And with the title, you seem to be acknowledging that, so it's good you recognize this, too.

v x m was a bit dismissive in a cute sort of way, but I tend to agree that it is a little bit precious, like an ironical, hipster shaggy dog story - how else would an ironical hipster tell a shaggy dog story, but at a poetry slam? But given that, it's still good writing, so I still basically don't mind much.

Oddly enough, the thing that really gets my goat is that you are deliberately creating run-on sentences by leaving out commas, and then you point out "look ma, no commas!" But if you had commas, you clearly know how to use them, since your grammatical structures are otherwise quite expert. You're not really crafting run-on sentences; you're crafting perfectly grammatical sentences and then eschewing punctuation, which is a learned trick, as opposed to run-on sentences, which by their very nature are a by-product of apathy towards grammar. So, that's what bothered me.

The rest of it was pretty good.

peace
#8
dear UG,
why are you full-sentence nazis?
a line break in itself is a form of punctuation
this is poetry, for christs sake
#9
The read was very enjoyable I like and relate to it, does anything else really matter to the reader?
#10
I agree with punchup about the first stanza. I like the whole TV show-villian connection to sticking out your tongue but I guess I wasn't a fan of how it was delivered. Maybe I wasn't too keen on the phrase "lifestyle choices". I'm not entirely sure.

At any rate, I really enjoyed this. The informal tone and phrasing was very refreshing for me for some reason and I guess it could be interpreted it as someone talking to a psychologist (given the Freud reference). It would make sense if that were the case. This was also very relatable and easy to connect with. I don't get a chance to read a lot of your stuff but I think I will from now on.
here, My Dear, here it is
#12
This was enjoyably humorous... like a precocious 2 year old dangling a steak in front of a pitbull in a way that makes the pitbull stand on two legs and walk like a penguin.

I thought that the key to the whole thing was the voice of the narrator... it was well crafted and really delivered the punch that was needed to keep this piece together.

Well done.
#14
I hate you.

I don't really, I wish I could though, because you'd have reason to hate me and I could rationalise your crit into personal bias against me.. This is amazing though, truly.
You're not enjoying revisiting highschool after Iraq then?
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.
Last edited by Mr.Pink101 at Jun 13, 2011,
#16
wasn't a huge fan on the first two stanzas, but it was like dipping your toes into cold water with the intention of swimming. once you're in, you realize the water was always warmer than the air. this is good.