#1
Here's a brand new composition I finished today (Only spanned a course of 1.5 days), and the first Death Metal piece (Or at least contains elements of it) I'm happy with. Inspired mainly by Cynic, Opeth and Atheist. It's not long either, only 3:19, but there is a lot of musical depth to it. My main concerns are:

1. Does it hold the listener's interest for the entire span of the composition?
2. Should I add some World/Auxillary Percussion somewhere between bars 47-59 (Wood/Temple Blocks, Guiro etc)?
3. Does it flow?
4. Should I add a crazy over the top solo in the Outro (Bar 92/3 onwards)?
5. What images/feelings does it evoke (If any, as I'm stuck for a name)?

I hope everyone likes it; my favourite part is the harmonies in the Theme I reprisal, they change from 4ths and 5ths, giving it an exotic feel as well as the hybrid scales I created with the introductory chord progression.
Attachments:
Template1.gp5
Template1.mid
#2
I just wrote a my review, and all of it was accidentally deleted. Thats the second time I've tried to write a crit, and it happened.

I had 3 nice paragraphs, but Im short on time now, so Ill make it quick. Sorry...

Yes, Yes or make that section more interesting or shorter, It would flow better if the time signatures changed and the division of notes changed rather than the tempo constantly, I wouldn't add the solo, Change the ending chords to A, B, then F# (I would also remove the E and B that ring out on the end chord, some definite resolve would improve this piece rather than harm it)

I also think you go with imagery too much when critting and writing.

Compose a soundtrack by all means, but if the point of your music is for an image... Then thats visual art, not music.

I understand your point, and I would say that it doesn't bring anything to mind, but it is a very interesting piece thats nice to listen to and yet still has intensity.

Themes are great, music is great, and there aren't many real problems with it. Riff B might start and end a bit abruptly. :Shrug:

Riff D was awesome, and the song as a whole is awesome. So... Yeah.

This is right in the style of Cynic and other fusion metal bands, and you did a good job of it. I see you borrowed both the techniques and sound of Cynic, rather than just technique and an attempt to utilize it in a new way, which is frowned upon by some, specifically FabulousFred.

And you've been here for over a month, get a damn User icon already.
Last edited by Life Is Brutal at Jun 6, 2011,
#3
That's fine, with such dependency on technology, it's bound to give out sometime, you've managed to conjure up a fair bit in such short time anyway.

I always figured that good music would be able to work like a soundtrack so I compose with a particular scenario in mind, and to a certain extent, applied Mathematics to Music. But this was spontaneous, it just poured out of me and that's never happened before. So I'm sort of asking for opinions on what my inner thoughts were thinking when I composed this, because they won't tell me.

I don't really want to change that chord progression as that particular Cadence is probably my favourite (Correct me if I'm wrong but I think it's called an Imperfect Cadence), however I'll definitely try the World Percussion once I get it set up in Pro Tools.

Hey at least he was civilised about it, he could have been like 95% of the population on Youtube and just presumed his opinion was fact and then proceed to call you and people who oppose his opinion derogatory terms. But don't change the song just because others tell you too, because it's impossible to please everyone. Thanks for the great crit, BTW what's a User Icon (LOL)?
#4
First time I backspaced to the previous page, this time I accidently closed out of all my windows. Its user error, not technological short comings.

Did you try the progression I suggested?

Goto control Panel, which is right under where it tells you what forum/thread your in. Goto edit Avatar, and pick one from the site or from elsewhere.
#5
Critting as I go:

Oh yeah, right away I hear that Cynic influence. That trademark chordal movement with palm muted guitars outlining it. Sounds really good up until 18, where the transition is really sudden. You could make that a lot smoother and it would be better.

Riff D is really cool, but it just doesn't last long enough. You could drag that out a whole lot longer by putting it through modulations and stuff, but instead you just abandon it as soon as it starts up.

This is a problem I've noticed in every one of your songs, really, you go through ideas wayyyyy too fast and it just ends up sounding like a flurry of unrelated motifs. 72 onward sounds more coherent, but I think you rely on solos a bit too much to carry your sections and give them length. Instead you should work on variations of what you already have written. Instead of writing an entirely new riff, cycle the same thing through some new chords, maybe transpose it, just play around with it! Also, the notes at 85 in the guitar solo are off key. Just fix that.

It's also just a bit short. This started out really great, and it could have been cool as shit, but it's just plagued by the same problems I've noticed you always fall victim to. Too many changes in feel too quickly. Yeah, changes in feel are great, but you have to keep it interesting long enough to allow the changes to be powerful. Changing the song around is only as powerful as the buildup that leads up to it.

I understand totally where you're coming from, because my old songs all suffered from the same flaws, just try to work on it and eventually you'll be churning it out. You have good ideas, just some minor execution issues.

You probably hate me after that scathing crit, but do you think you could look at Baron of Fog in my sig?
#6
@Life Is Brutal: Ha! fair enough then, I haven't tried it yet as I have some other commitments now but I'll get to it soon considering Tarbosh's review. Make sure you let me know if there's anything I can crit because I owe you one now.

@Tarbosh: Perhaps I'll give it a go, I've actually created a perfectly mathematical way of applying modulation, and its worked for every situation so far. BTW, bar 85? Are you sure? It sounds fine to me and changing the D (To a D#) at the beginning takes away from the feel and makes it tonally unpleasant (IMO). Remember I said it's a hybrid scale, I incorporated the three different accidentals one would find in E Harmonic Minor and D Major, creating something similar to the Melodic Minor scale however there are no descending/ascending rules applied. About the changes, when I first started composing I realised it was similar to Post-Rock/Metal in structure and writing the music I am, realised that one or two riffs is not enough so I make up for it with about ten others. What you said about the buildup thing really rings with me though, I'll definitely take that into consideration.

There's nothing wrong with a crit that grinds against the gears of social normalcy or the black sheep in the flock of white, you are incredibly civilised in your discussions anyway so I don't see why anyone should hate you for that. I'll get to Baron of Fog shortly, I have to get a User Icon first.
Last edited by HaydenHohns at Jun 9, 2011,
#7
I see that you are now customized.

I see what Tarbosh means about bar 85, and although its not terrible, I feel that a better lick could be composed that would set the mood better. Also, the lick at 86 seems a bit abrupt from the phrasing in 85.
#8
Well I've already started recording it now wo there's no point in changing the structure now but I can definitely fix the leads; BTW, I've added some cool effects to the guitars that make them sound futuristic and weird so that will sound interesting with the World Percussion once I get it going. It has a name now. Phalanx.

Maths and Music are the only things I do these days apart from some rare gaming and X-Country training so I figured it was pretty accurate for me.