#1
I’ve been trying to get past all of this aggression,
It’s the road i always end up taking.
I’m giving it hell and getting nothing
in return.

And hey man, I’m getting there.
Hell, we’re all getting there.
But we all know it’s the roads we take,
not just the destination that matters most.

I’m afraid I’m dragging myself down
Actually I’ve never been so certain
about anything in my whole life,
I’m dragging myself down to hell.

It’s never been about me.

And hey man, I’m getting there.
Hell, we’re all getting there.
But we all know it’s the roads we take,
not just the destination that matters most.

I can’t say that I’m not a burden,
But I refuse to be pathetic.
I’m going to fight until I can’t anymore.
#4
so your going through some unspecific shit and it is a trying time in your life.

no physical details, so its just all about you, and that thing you won't tell us is going on.

so we lose interest, because it lacks details. in other words, make me care!
"Hey kid. You wanna cigarette?"


"No thanks! I/m already hooked on Fonicks!"

#5
Fair enough. I'll accept that. But how would I put the details into motion without sounding even more sappy than I already do? Haha.
#6
Alright, so I rewrote it and only used a few lines, what about this?

I've been broke for the past three years,
sitting around this scummy house with
scummy ****ing pricks who drink all day long.
It's all just waiting on me to change.

I've been feeling like this a lot lately,
It's like the whole world is waiting for me to do something different
And I haven't got the slightest clue what to do
And no one can really tell me how to.

I probably have plenty of options
But the only problem is my apathy.
I rack my brain all day long
Trying to figure out how to make a difference.

But hey man, I’m getting there.
I know it takes a while but
I'm tired of everyone waiting on me
to make the first move.

I guess I'm just like everyone else
In that I don't much like the week,
I'm always waiting for it to end
And then the cycle starts all over again

I end up every weekend just sitting around
talking shit with my friends
On a back porch listening to
The Wonder Years and Brand New

Smoking Reds and 27's all night long
Drinking shitty whiskey and Miller High Life
I feel like I'm writing a country song
And I don't think I could despise that more.

But hey man, I’m getting there.
I know it takes a while but
I'm tired of everyone waiting on me
to make the first move.

I know all this inactivity is dragging me down
I just need a chance to wake up.
I can’t say that I’m not a burden,
But I refuse to be pathetic.
#7
The rewrite is much better, but the last line of the first version was quite good, and I hate to see it disappear in the rewrite. I have to say, as a habitual writer of country songs, that:

1. There's nothing wrong with writing country songs, and
2. You're not writing a country song, here.

I hear this as having a Rites of Spring kind of groove, but at any rate something punk poppish.

peace
Last edited by Nilchii at Jun 7, 2011,
#8
Haha well thank you, I'll work the last line back in. And the country song this is a joke, I'm also in a bluegrass type jam band but I am always just writing poppunkish stuff.