#1
I ain't as young as I'm supposed to be
I'm growin' older as we speak.
If you can find me in this city,
Maybe I can find some peace.

If you're looking for me, baby,
If you're waiting on me still,
I'll be singing with the angels,
Beneath your windowsill.

There ain't no goodness left inside you,
All your doors are locked up tight.
When your feelings are all broken,
Nothing's feeling quite right.

And the monsters in your closet,
Just moved into your head,
Your precious heart just shattered,
Baby, just come back to bed.

I see you standing in the moonlight,
You're looking out over the bluff,
I rush out to grab you,
But I'm just not quick enough.

And if you're looking for me, baby,
If you're waiting on me still,
I'll be singing with the angels,
Beneath your windowsill.

I'll be singing with the angels,
Beneath your windowsill.
#2
Absolutely gorgeous. The verses are solid and tell a story while the chorus is catchy and poetic and beautiful. This is perhaps one of the most well-written songs I've ever seen posted here.

What genre is this supposed to be? I got a blues vibe from it. I'd love to hear it put to music.

I don't have much else to say. Everything works pretty well here, and no lines stick out as needing serious adjustment. Great work.
#3
That really makes me feel good to hear that. If the song doesn't make it obvious, I've been really down lately. Thank you for the positive feedback.

It's an acoustic, finger-picking song. Kind of a folk-y, Springsteen style.

I've got the guitar part written for it, so I should have it finished and recorded this month. While you're at it, why don't you go to my profile and listen to some of my recordings? Send me a friend request, too, if you want.

Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this and get back to me.
#4
Eh, I liked this sir. It'd be nice to hear as a song, I'll listen to it when you've recorded it.

For me, the 3rd and 4th stanza are the strongest. I like the lines
"There ain't no goodness left inside you"
and
"Baby come back to bed".
It could be interesting if you use these lines together, as the "goodness" line can connotate innocence (well, it did to me) and then "back to bed" can contradict it
But then again, it might not fit with what you were going for, and thats fine.

There are only a couple of minorminorminor quibbles I have, and they are minor.
I don't like the use of the word "monsters" I think it sounds a little too immature for the feel of this song, but from your obvious prowess here, you'll iron it out with ease I'm sure! (Apologies for pomposity)
Also, "I rush out ot grab you". I just think it sounds a little ham-handed.

But thats all man. Otherwise, as Winter Sky said, it is a very well-written song, keep it up.

In other news, I noticed you commented on a song that was talking about th end of man and all that business. You stated if you're going to do it, at least do it differently. Well, by coincidence I had JUST posted something of that ilk...

If you wouldn't mind looking it over and giving us a quick comment man:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=27364630#post27364630

Cheers!
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
#5
Thanks for the review Bag'ed!

My intention for the word "monsters" was to seem a bit childish, as in, the "monsters in your closet" that you feared as a little kid. "I rush out to grab you" certainly isn't much for poeticism, but it gets the action across. Is there something you might suggest as a replacement?

Anyway, I'll read yours. It sounds promising, so we'll see!

#6
I don't think there's anything wrong with the line 'I rush out to grab you' but if you think it could be better, I might suggest replacing 'grab' with 'embrace' or even 'touch' as both of those evoke more a sense of tenderness and warmth.