Haven't really done anything in a while, dunno what I think of this yet. I think I like it but there's some parts I'm not sure of, and I think the Interlude needs a bit of work. I dunno how well the transition from the verse to the final chorus works either.

I realise it's not very pop-punk actually except from maybe the intro and verse but ahh well, I'm not bothered about genres. Originally I wanted to write something catchy and more simplistic, which is why the intro is like, kinda simple, but then I dunno what happened.

So have a listen to v16 first, and then after if you've got the time have a listen to Interlude (A) of v15 and tell me which interude sounds better, or if I should just come up with something else.

EDIT: Added a bass track now, v17
EDIT: Used the Interlude (A) from v15 and added a breakdown near the end to smooth the transition to the final chorus, which I don't think worked very well, v18
rock 223 v16.gp5
rock 223 v15.gp5
rock 223 v17.gp5
rock 223 v18.gp5
Last edited by Seb1uk at Jun 12, 2011,
Critting v16

I've always (quietly) admired your chord use and sense of melody, like a better version of what I try to do in my takes on PHxC, and here it's no exception.

I have only a few minor qualms with this, really. The intro riff is great, very melodic, grabs the listener's interest immediately. The shred-esque runs in the first verse seem really unnecessary, and I like shred as much as the next guy, but sometimes it just comes off as nonsense, and IMO, that's the case here. The bridge is great, the section that provoked the above comment on your chording.

Normally, I'd make a note on the apparent lack of direction, due to a lack of repeating motifs or themes, but this is one of those rare exceptions where the raw consistency of the atmosphere of each riff prolongs the initial sense of direction.

Great melodies in the chorus. Gotta be honest, the high G in the interlude (A) was grating on my nerves. A lot of those minor 2nds are sounds that hurt to hear in MIDI, but I know where it's coming from, I've written a lot of parts myself with minor 2nds that sounded awful in MIDI that were amazing and beautiful on an actual guitar.

Interlude (B) is a vast improvement over (A), in terms of note choice. The second verse, too, is a large improvement over its predecessor, if only for the toned down lead parts- this is an appropriate use of lead playing, IMO, in comparison to the first verse.

So aside from those few moments, what you've got here is a work in progress that's going to be completely badass when it's finished. Good job!

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=27381208#post27381208
Last edited by guitar_jew at Jun 9, 2011,
I don't mean to sound rude when I say I can't be bothered to crit the entire song section by section, in fact quite the opposite. You blow my mind man, honestly, I always listen to things you write, look at my guitar and sigh, you're my favourite composer on here (and that's really saying something because they talent on here is astounding). This piece was perfect, not a single bit felt out of place, it all just worked and flowed perfectly. You're one talented dude, congratulations!
I thought the entire piece was pretty well written; I usually don't go for most of the post-hardcore stuff on here, but I liked it. And yeah, there wasn't really any pop-punk involved.

The only real complaint I have is that it could be much, much more powerful with a bassline. I did a simple bass track just to show you the effect it can have, which is uploaded below.

C4C? The link in my sig needs it.
rock 223 v16(2).gp5
Ha NegiTom that was a bit of an ego booster, but cheers guys. And thanks herby for that bass track but I don't want to use it because I could never really say that I wrote this song entirely myself, and I do plan to eventually record and release my music one day. But yeah I just hadn't gotten round to writing the bass yet, I wanna finalise all the sections and melodies before I write any bass.
In the future, I'd advise writing it with the other instruments. The bassline can really help define a section if done right. If it doesn't work for you, then go ahead and do it how you have been, but it will more than likely help.

And yeah, that was just an example, in case you were one of those who underestimates bass; I didn't mean to write it for you or anything.
I never underestimate bass hah. I get kinda pissed off with bands that have bass really low in the mix actually. I usually spend a while making fancy bass tracks, but yeah you're right I really should be writing the bass at the same time. I did actually for one of my ideas for an Interlude but it was in one of my earlier versions of this song.
Only Thing That I Can Wrong Is....Trying To Find Someone To Play This
There is no such thing as unnecessary force...as a matter of fact im using the force to type this signature
Ha really? Not trying to sound big-headed at all but I never really thought this was that difficult to play.
Hi, that was a great piece, very well written. Unfortunately there's really not all that much to say about this.. but I am looking for a C4C so I'll try and write as much as I can.

My only complaint is the clean break. It's to overwhelming to be a break, It doesn't give the listener a break at all. I would suggest making the leads simpler and slower, but anyway.

The other thing is the bass, as a few others said, it can really add to a song. I would work on that. However I'm not sure if there's really any room left in the song for any more parts, perhaps the break could be used to allow the bass to show it self.

OK that's all I've got... gosh it's not my fault you write good songs.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1449048

A final thing, not to be a Nazi or anything but it's kinda against the rules to unnecessarily bump your own thread. There's no reason why anyone's thread should spend a disproportionate amount of time at the top of the forum.
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. com / fancy-elle
Hey thanks for your crit first of all,

There isn't much I can say about because all that I had in mind were basically already stated by others. I could compliment each section separately but I don't think that's necessary since you obviously put a lot of effort to this song and know that it rocks
My favorite parts were the clean break and chorus mainly because of the melodies they're really well written. One thing I would like to point out (and this is just IMO) is about the breakdown. This isn't really important music-wise, but it doesn't sound like breakdown rather than a melody section. It works as a pre-chorus though. Overall it's a really nice song and I can see that you really put effort to it.
Cheers guys.
About the clean break being too overwhelming, I guess I'd just change the name of the section then, not really that important though. And same with the breakdown bit, well, I guess I should call it a melodic breakdown then hah.

Julz: I don't think you listened to the newest version since I've got bass in that, but don't worry. I think I want to make the bass a bit more fancy in the break though. Oh and I didn't quite realise I bumped my own thread.
I liked it, i liked it a lot. Clean break works really well. Sorry i can't add much cause i though it was pretty sweet the way it is
I Like Deathcore, Deal With It!