#1
When reading, keep in mind that I write my lyrics with acoustic guitar and piano. Let me know what you think.


I feel sorry for you
It must be so hard to have two lives
Confused dreams and reality, believing your own lies

Fascinated by your own mystery
Don’t expect a novel ending
You fool yourself, I see through your pretending

Chorus:
Oh every little disaster
Every small catastrophe
Every everyday tragedy
Such a mess, such a mess you’re in
You’re falling, falling oh
Have you ever thought of falling in love?

You’re behind safety glass
I can see you, but you can’t see out
This wall you put up, I want to tear down

Hear the lonely silence
Your genius for making such a mess of the matter
Don’t make me stand here and watch you shatter

Chorus:
Oh every little disaster
Every small catastrophe
Every everyday tragedy
Such a mess, such a mess you’re in
You’re falling, falling oh
Have you ever thought of falling in love?


Oh baby I see the pain in your eyes
It all could fall together
Have you ever thought of falling in love?
#2
I can't work out the rythm to read this in, but the lyrics seem okay.

Only things I could suggest that would make it better in my opinion are...

I feel sorry for you
It must be so hard to have two lives
Confused dreams and reality, believing your own lies

I think the third line here is a bit too long with the shorter lines before, this is the bit that threw me because I can't find a way of making it flow in my head.

And...

Every small catastrophe
Every everyday tragedy

The second line here doesn't go down well with me. I think the word 'every' shows up to much in the one place. Perhaps change it to...

Every small catastrophe
Each everyday tragedy

Again I don't have a rythm to fit this too so I'm just suggesting what would make it look better when read out.

I'm not that good at writing so you can probably disregard what I said. I'd like to hear a backing track to this song though.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
#3
Oh this is nice. It feels much more original than your standard love me mantra. I can feel the rhythm as being a kind of indy-pop with pretty vocals and upbeat piano behind it. Your sense of rhthym is also real good here and you vary it up while keeping it consistent enough to tap a foot to. Well done!

Nice picture by the way

Not your apparent style but crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1448495
#4
hmm.. i've mixed feelings for this one. ther r parts that i like n parts i feel, should really be worked upon but cant really say anything since its a song n not just lyrics. i'll get back to it 2morrow, keep on writing.

u play piano, thats awesome
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I write poetry
And it sucks.
Last edited by leafwhisperer at Jun 14, 2011,
#5
Hey there, the first two stanza's worked okay in my opinion, but "Don’t expect" got lost in my mouth when I read it. I would change that for the sake of flow, although I liked the imagery it represents.

Quote by 剣 斧 血
I can't work out the rythm to read this in, but the lyrics seem okay.

Only things I could suggest that would make it better in my opinion are...

I feel sorry for you
It must be so hard to have two lives
Confused dreams and reality, believing your own lies

I think the third line here is a bit too long with the shorter lines before, this is the bit that threw me because I can't find a way of making it flow in my head.


I think you might be disregarding the apostrophe, because it flows quite well in my head.

Quote by 剣 斧 血

And...

Every small catastrophe
Every everyday tragedy

The second line here doesn't go down well with me. I think the word 'every' shows up to much in the one place. Perhaps change it to...


I agree with this completely, and would also suggest changing that.

I find myself liking the turnaround "have you ever thought of falling in love?" So good job repeating that and having it as your last phrase.