#1
Alright, conspiracy theory time.

We all know and love Van Hammersmith. But no one knows who he really is. It could be that much like myself or thousands of other UGers, he's just a normal dude hiding behind a rockin' name with a great column.

Or....

He could be Nolan Whyte.

We'll start out with this:

Van didn't join UG until July 2010, and started his column that same month. He's never submitted a tab or review, just his column. Do the powers that be typically grant you a front page column that quickly?

The latest interchange between Van and Nolan on VH part 44 is kind of strange--I've never seen Nolan comment on a lot of stuff before, and Van doesn't even acknowledge Nolan's star status around UG. Also, all four comments (two from Van, two from Nolan) were posted one after another. Is this Nolan stirring the pot?

As something of a big name on UG, I'd imagine Nolan gets a bunch of people asking about their band-related issues. Why not turn them into a column?

Both writers have professed that they are big Ramones fans, and both have a similar writing style.

For someone from New York, Van makes relatively few references to anything New York-y (no CBGB or anything like that). His Albany crack in pt. 44 was the only thing I've ever seen.

No matter who Van Hammersmith is, I truly enjoy his column and all of Nolan's work. We'll probably never find out who he really is, but a little idle speculation can't hurt.
#2
Quote by jb335
We all know and love Van Hammersmith.


We do?
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#3
Smith Van Hammer's bipolar alter ego.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

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#5
Quote by TomusAM
Why don't you just ask Van Hammersmith?


/thread.
you're a stone fox
#7
I've never heard of either of the people you're talking about.

You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.



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#9


I am Van Hammersmith.
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
Quote by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
It's you
#10
Quote by strat0blaster


I am Van Hammersmith.


I'm Van Hammersmith!
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 4-5
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 92-54
#14
Quote by strat0blaster


I am Van Hammersmith.




I am Van Hammersmith.
MM Stingray
MIA P Bass
MIM Jazz Bass
GK 700RB-II Head
GK 410SBX Cab
Sansamp 3 Ch. DI
Crybaby Bass Wah
Bass Big Muff
DD3 Delay

MIA Strat
Nashville Tele
Martin 00015M
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Big Muff
DS1
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#16
a Van Hamrarsmith is you!
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#17
I'm pretty sure, not certain though, that when the first one came up, it said it was written by Nolan. I remember, because that was about when I first started reading Riot Band.
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Big Busty Queefing.
#18
Hunh, well that would prove my point then if it was true. Failing that, it probably is Kirk Douglas.
#21
In Soviet Russia, Van Hammersmith is who?
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You don't need epic tone in the bedroom any more than you need mood lighting to masturbate.


#23
Quote by LesPaulGuy1
I'm pretty sure, not certain though, that when the first one came up, it said it was written by Nolan. I remember, because that was about when I first started reading Riot Band.


I was thinking that too. I read Van Hammersmith like Nolan;s work because of that, but if it did say that what's with the big mystery?
Or do people just not remember and think that because it says Van Hammersmith now that it always said that? Has UG became like 1984 and the Ministry of Truth has went back and changed the first Van Hammer article?
#27
Quote by zach in black
I was thinking that too. I read Van Hammersmith like Nolan;s work because of that, but if it did say that what's with the big mystery?
Or do people just not remember and think that because it says Van Hammersmith now that it always said that? Has UG became like 1984 and the Ministry of Truth has went back and changed the first Van Hammer article?


Well I think the whole point was that lespaul didn't know for sure if it said Nolan or not. If it really did, it's case closed.
#28
There are no names in project mayhem, sir.
Sell and Promote your music TuneHub!



wy is yer mad at muy gramhar fer?


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jimmybanks youre a genius.


aparently i ar smrt?
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jimmybanks youre a genius


GO SENS GO
#29


I hammered Smith!
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even now, an 8 year old could go download gorilla rape porn and jack off to it.
#30
Quote by jetfuel495
Maybe you're Van Hammersmith, Tom.


Maybe you're Van Hammersmith?
Woffelz

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#32
Quote by L2112Lif
Ooh, is this like a John Galt thing?


I'm Van Hammersmith!

I'm Van Hammersmith and this is my wife Van Hammersmith!!


Monty Python FTW
#35
I used to be Van Hammersmith
For Frodo!
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
No because a world full of marbles silly man is just as real as a half empty glass of microwaved nesquik.
#36

No, I'm the real Van Hammersmith.

EDIT: Also, who the hell is Kurt1964 (the guy with thousands of friends on UG and a pelican profile picture)
Last edited by CrimsonBizzare at Jun 9, 2011,
#37
Lets get this straight. Out of respect for the man.
There can only be ONE!
VanHammersmith.
RIP
My sig? Nice.
#39
We only need one thread for this and so on.
*-)
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